don't fear the sun.

I can't believe the 22nd is almost over. The last couple of days have flown by. K. had a friend over who normally lives in Norway, so they only see each other a couple of times a year (aside from their weekly Skype dates), so when they meet up, they do literal 12 hour marathons, often with her friend staying the night. Yesterday, this was particularly relevant, seeing as a big storm passed over Denmark and it would have been dangerous for her to walk home any later than two in the afternoon. We had pizza for dinner from a goumet pizza place nearby and they watched The Haunting of Hill House (again, it's their go-to) while I went to bed early. K.'s friend is a sweetheart, but all that socialization for hours on end tires me out something awful. I did, however, sleep through the night until eight in the morning, which was nice. It happens rarely these days.



Today, we've filled up our fridge for the x-mas days, relying mostly on having things in the fridge we can take up to defrost and cook for the next four days straight. No shopping possibilities until the 27th again. The 24th is spoken for, since my parents-in-law will be in charge of food there, but tomorrow and the 25th + 26th, we're on our own. We are probably gonna realize we are missing something at some point, like toilet paper or something, haha. Ah well, I can buy stuff tomorrow select places.



K. also showed me the incredible honour of taking me with her to the local piano store where they have studios with grand pianos you can rent by the hour and practice. She went to practice the piece she's currently working on, Thème Varié by Cécile Chaminade and asked me to film it for her personal review. She played it three times in a row and I love that piece so much, I never tire of it. Especially the final time, she had such a beautiful contrast between the heavier and forceful parts opposite the very light, delicate parts and I was so happy to hear her really connect with the music. She tells me all sorts of interesting things about it, when she plays, so although I understand maybe a percentage of it, not being a musician myself, I feel how much she enjoys playing and how much joy it gives to her life.

I want her to keep having that. If we lived somewhere bigger, I'd even say yes to her buying a grand piano. As it is, us living in an apartment complex, it's too much of a hassle and we'd have to clear out the living room, hahaha.



We're nearing the end of my Christmas calendar from K., too. I've really enjoyed this calendar a lot and I can't wait to read what the final two days hide. The story is really reaching its climax now.



I also told K. today - probably inspired by the intimate piano concert I was given - that I was planning to write her something inspired by her love for music and outlined the idea for her. Her reaction tells me there are a few details in the set-up I'll need to fix, but otherwise she seemed to like the concept, so I'm sticking to it. We just need to get on the other side of Christmas Eve... She has some birthdays and Christmas dinner on the 25th, so I'll be home alone there most day. Hopefully that means I can get started on writing that thing. I have a very clear idea of the main characters now, at least. And I see the setting pretty clearly, too. Being another historical story, but from another period, I will need to research some stuff, but bring it on. It can't go any worse than last time, LOL.



K. has also been playing a lot of x-mas hymns the past days and I'm beginning to feel the atmosphere, if not exactly the cheer.

I have hope. Like my friend, who's coming tomorrow for tea, wrote me yesterday, the shortest day of the year is behind us, ahead lies the light.

That's beautiful.

And in the meantime, my third read-through/editing round came to an end and I have sent Lest They Leave to 3 betas... No, wait, 4. A fourth beta volunteered themselves, because they liked the concept of my novel so much. I don't know them as well as I know the 3 others (one which is my gf), but I do get the sense they'll be very honest and direct if something doesn't work, which is a good thing. They're also personally interested in and knowledgeable about the 1920's, so they'll be able to fact check and help with historical accuracy. Exactly what I needed!

Though, it does fill me with some nerves, not gonna lie. I've researched quite a bit for this story, but I know I haven't gone deep into being completely historically accurate, so. I might take some ego bruising with that, hahaha.

Also a bit nerve-wrecked about my gf betaing it. Mostly because I'm so excited for her to read this, finally. To share with her what has had me so preoccupied the past month. It's a very special feeling.



My parents came to visit yesterday, too, to exchange x-mas presents and have tea, just a short visit. It went quite well, everything considered, though the whole party was pretty tired. Me from having run around all morning getting things ready, K. from having been to a very alcohol-filled x-mas party at work the night before and my parents had been out to pick up a shelf system somewhere in another part of our city first, before coming here, so they'd been hard at work already, too. However, it did go well, the conversation flowed easily, mostly and we got presents exchanged back and forth.



After that, both K. and I were just... knackered. Completely worn out and it was what K. calls a "wasted evening", like, we wanted to do stuff, but didn't have the spoons. No energy whatsoever. But I survived staying up until half past nine and then, just tumbled into bed. Slept until now (1am-ish) and will go back to sleep once I've calmed down from the nightmare that woke me up. It left me terribly restless.



I'm also feeling a bit slumped now that I have to wait for feedback on my novel. I've given all my betas a couple of months, so not expecting to hear much on that until past January, but the wait is already making me feel a bit... yeah. This novel is my baby. I want my baby to be liked.

Because I do like my baby a lot.

I feel this icon is very representative for how I've spent my day.



I woke up early and had a decent start, then abruptly had a bout of anxiety around 9, popped a sedative and slept till 11, missing my morning pills completely, so had to drag myself through the day on absolutely no chemicals for my poor brain. It was a drag. To say the least.

But I survived! I did this mainly by starting to do editing work on chapter 11-12 of my novel and can I just say, someone didn't edit as they went along, writing those two chapters. My work was cut out for me. Hours of endless editing, rephrasing things, restructuring, connecting dots that had been left to hang before... But, without having reread the finished result from start to finish yet, I think I managed pretty well.

And I got through both chapters, leaving me only with the final chapter, chapter 13, to read tomorrow and polish. However, since it's a short chapter and I know I've worked over it a couple of times already while writing, I'm being optimistic and putting rereading chapter 9-13 as well as beginning my final read-through of the whole manuscript on my to-do list for tomorrow, too.



K. is off for a Christmas dinner all evening, so I have time to myself, to just read over things at my own pace. It should be nice. I have tea to keep my company.

Hopefully, I can finish reading (and final editing) the novel before next week, because then I can send it off to my betas and get that part of the process going.

I'm very excited.



If I can only remember to take my meds tomorrow, so I can have a slightly better day, mood-wise, then that would definitely be nice. We're aiming for that.



We also speed-cleaned the entire apartment today, after K. got home from work, because my parents are coming Saturday and, like I mentioned, K's off to a Christmas dinner at work tomorrow, so we wouldn't have time in the usual slot. I will also do some tidying up tomorrow while K's at work, so she has nothing to worry about neither tomorrow nor Saturday before my parents arrive.



I'm getting pretty fatigued with Christmas at this point and could use a vacation from Christmas vacationing, to be honest, but I'll live.

And in a moment, I'm going to bed.