don't fear the sun.

Warmest day of the year today in Denmark, all-around temperature about 30 degrees Celsius which is a lot for us.

I've spent most of the day in a frenzy, because five days ago, I ordered a small batch of my book, Lest They Leave for print with a local printing company. I've never had to get anything I wrote printed in book-format before, the closest I got was the anthology a friend and I wrote a handful of years back, but she was in charge of all the practical stuff about it, so I only got the sweet feeling of having a book shoved into my hand with my name on it, once it was all in the clear.

This time, the whole process has been my own alone. The writing, the editing, getting a cover made (though I got amazing help from a friend's brother who does this for a living) and now, ordering a batch of it printed. Only a small batch, mind, I'll get fifteen finished books and 1 proof out of it. It was expensive as all Hell, too, and ever since placing my order, I have harboured a nagging anxiety that I've made some mistake and something's bound to be wrong with the layout or design when it gets here, but. But I will be getting something and it will be mine and as my gf says. If it's completely horrible, we'll order another batch, knowing what not to do next time.

Writing this book has been such an experience. Is there anything I wish I could've done differently? Quite a lot of things, actually, and maybe one day in the future, I'll look over this and put some love and effort into a rewrite, but for now this is where I'm at with my progress as a writer. This is the best I can do right now and I'm damn proud of it! Besides the story itself, which is endlessly dear to my heart now, Lest They Leave has taught me so many things about my own working methods, my weaknesses, strengths and everything in between. I think I'll move forward from here so much wiser and with so much more experience as a writer.

And I think good things are waiting ahead.

Besides the proof that I can hopefully pick up at the post office tomorrow! That is what has kept me in a frenzy all day. The printing company texted me at 11 am and told me they'd shipped off my order (meaning just the proof, I think and hope), but then I haven't been able to track the package all day, until just a moment ago when it showed up as on its way to "depot" which I guess is for further distribution. I've never used GLS before. Anyway, I've had no rest since. And now I'm supposed to sleep in this weather before being able to see what the printing guys made of my fumbling explanations and requests... I predict insomnia tonight.

The fifteen copies are all, give or take, promised to people in my immediate circles. I think I have three or four left when everybody I've promised a copy has gotten theirs. Which is fine, I didn't do this to sell books. I just wanted to share my little story with the people who matter to me. Once I have the whole batch, I'm planning on posting the whole novel to AO3 for free reading to those of you who might have an interest in seeing what all my fuss is about. I'll probably post it chapter by chapter (there are 13 chapters all in all) over summer. Look forward to it!

For now, I got an icon with the cover art. I am waiting for my books to get here. I am working on little extra "fics" to slip into the back of each of the 15 copies. And I have a whole playlist, should anyone feel like getting in the mood for reading.

I don't think I've been more ready and more nervous for anything in my life.

And in the meantime, my third read-through/editing round came to an end and I have sent Lest They Leave to 3 betas... No, wait, 4. A fourth beta volunteered themselves, because they liked the concept of my novel so much. I don't know them as well as I know the 3 others (one which is my gf), but I do get the sense they'll be very honest and direct if something doesn't work, which is a good thing. They're also personally interested in and knowledgeable about the 1920's, so they'll be able to fact check and help with historical accuracy. Exactly what I needed!

Though, it does fill me with some nerves, not gonna lie. I've researched quite a bit for this story, but I know I haven't gone deep into being completely historically accurate, so. I might take some ego bruising with that, hahaha.

Also a bit nerve-wrecked about my gf betaing it. Mostly because I'm so excited for her to read this, finally. To share with her what has had me so preoccupied the past month. It's a very special feeling.



My parents came to visit yesterday, too, to exchange x-mas presents and have tea, just a short visit. It went quite well, everything considered, though the whole party was pretty tired. Me from having run around all morning getting things ready, K. from having been to a very alcohol-filled x-mas party at work the night before and my parents had been out to pick up a shelf system somewhere in another part of our city first, before coming here, so they'd been hard at work already, too. However, it did go well, the conversation flowed easily, mostly and we got presents exchanged back and forth.



After that, both K. and I were just... knackered. Completely worn out and it was what K. calls a "wasted evening", like, we wanted to do stuff, but didn't have the spoons. No energy whatsoever. But I survived staying up until half past nine and then, just tumbled into bed. Slept until now (1am-ish) and will go back to sleep once I've calmed down from the nightmare that woke me up. It left me terribly restless.



I'm also feeling a bit slumped now that I have to wait for feedback on my novel. I've given all my betas a couple of months, so not expecting to hear much on that until past January, but the wait is already making me feel a bit... yeah. This novel is my baby. I want my baby to be liked.

Because I do like my baby a lot.