sunfright: Logan Marshall-Green with the text  "fuck". (circular)
S. ([personal profile] sunfright) wrote2022-11-03 10:14 pm
Entry tags:

thursday.






The Very Believable, Touching Story of How S. Found Ballet


I’ve been sick with bipolar disorder for about 12 years now, though I’ve had symptoms since early adolescence. One of the first times I was admitted to hospital for it was in 2010 where I was admitted for three months while they tried to fix me up with meds and ECT-treatment. During that time, one of the few daily activities I was able to uphold was going to the on-campus store, buy a coke and a newspaper and then retreat to my room to read it while I drank my soda. That was the heights of my functionality, then. There are days it’s still like that, sometimes it’s better, sometimes I’m bedridden.

Anyway, I bought the socialist newspaper Politiken religiously, mostly because it had a huge cultural section with book reviews and theatre reviews and other things like that. One day, I think halfway through my stay at hospital, there was a full-page announcement of a ballerina at the Royal Danish Ballet having been promoted to principal. Her name was Susanne Grinder and she had just debuted in Swan Lake as Odette/Odile. Besides the official announcement from the theatre, there was an interview with the RDB’s artistic director, Nikolaj Hübbe, who described her as having a femininity that was almost see-through. I can’t to this day pinpoint what it was about that description that made me stop and pause, but it just stayed with me. The picture of her taking her bows after her performance was so white and pure and beautiful that it called for something within me, I guess.

I decided in that moment, right there, that as soon as I got well enough to leave hospital and travel on my own, I would go to Copenhagen and watch her dance something, anything, really.

It would take some months, I think at least half a year, before I was anywhere close to that state of mind, but as soon as I was, I booked a ticket for Neumeier’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream in which Susanne was dancing the lead of Hippolyta/Titania (double role) and I stayed with my aunt who lives in a village near Copenhagen and I went. I went on my own, sitting down in the plush, velvet seats of the theatre and I watched the whole thing. To this day, I remember the feeling it gave me, when the Mendelssohn Midsummer Night overture played. When I listen to it today, I still get that exact feeling, although I haven’t watched this particular ballet since that time. It was that strong a sensation.

And I can only describe it like falling in love.

I fell in love with the artform. I fell in love with Susanne as a ballerina. And once I got back home to my aunt, I got online and I ordered a ticket for the next day when she was dancing again.

I think I saw this ballet three times in the span of two days (there was a matinee and an evening performance the second day), Susanne dancing all three times because the other ballerina covering the lead had got injured. It was the same kind of epiphany each time.

After that, I began travelling back and forth between Copenhagen and Aarhus where I live, catching as many performances with Susanne in them as possible. I bought a theatre card for the following season, so I could get all my tickets cheaper and then I watched 6-7-8 different performances over the span of a year.

However, what really made me find solace in ballet was how… after the Midsummer Night performances, I wrote a long letter to Susanne and sent to her via the theatre. I didn’t hear anything back, of course, and neither did I expect it and the months passed by… then, half a year later, a letter landed in my mailbox. It was handwritten on cream, thick paper and attached to a postcard showing the Royal Danish Ballet ballerinas as sylphs in a meadow, a kind of promotional photo, I guess. It was from Susanne. She apologised if the letter was late to find me, but she had lost my return address and had called the hospital that I had mentioned in my letter to ask, if she sent the letter to them, would they forward it to me. She had gone through so much trouble for my sake.

So I wrote back and told her the letter had made it. I thanked her. I told her I had begun following the ballet closely at this point and that I enjoyed everything I’d seen her in.

We began corresponding sporadically, Susanne and I. She was extremely understanding and sweet towards me. I will never forget her for that, although she has been retired for years at this point and I have started following other dancers instead.

She was where it all began and she has taken me on such an incredible journey. Not to be dramatic, but there are days it feels like I owe her my life.

Some links:
Susanne in some clips from La Sylphide.
Susanne in a variation from Napoli.


sonofgodzilla: (Default)

[personal profile] sonofgodzilla 2022-11-06 12:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm moving to Cambridgeshire, which is quiet and intimidatingly posh for someone as ill-educated as I, haha. I hope I will still have the opportunity to expand my horizons, to see some of this stuff live, I just have to accept that it won't be a ten minute bus ride away.

During lockdown, I watched every free stream that opera houses and ballet companies broadcast on youtube as a way of not only dealing with my isolation, but also as something to punctuate the days, and I really fell in love so I'm not at all adverse to online recommendations! I'm about to go visit your post later so apologies if I get far too enthusiastic in your comments at a later date in the future, haha.
sonofgodzilla: (Default)

[personal profile] sonofgodzilla 2022-11-07 08:41 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm super excited about going through it. The Royal Opera House just announced their winter programme and I am *thinking* about going to see the Magic Flute if I can get a cheap ticket, but I'm also very, very nervous about it for some stupid reason.