Entry tags:
thursday.
Anyway, I bought the socialist newspaper Politiken religiously, mostly because it had a huge cultural section with book reviews and theatre reviews and other things like that. One day, I think halfway through my stay at hospital, there was a full-page announcement of a ballerina at the Royal Danish Ballet having been promoted to principal. Her name was Susanne Grinder and she had just debuted in Swan Lake as Odette/Odile. Besides the official announcement from the theatre, there was an interview with the RDB’s artistic director, Nikolaj Hübbe, who described her as having a femininity that was almost see-through. I can’t to this day pinpoint what it was about that description that made me stop and pause, but it just stayed with me. The picture of her taking her bows after her performance was so white and pure and beautiful that it called for something within me, I guess.
I decided in that moment, right there, that as soon as I got well enough to leave hospital and travel on my own, I would go to Copenhagen and watch her dance something, anything, really.
It would take some months, I think at least half a year, before I was anywhere close to that state of mind, but as soon as I was, I booked a ticket for Neumeier’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream in which Susanne was dancing the lead of Hippolyta/Titania (double role) and I stayed with my aunt who lives in a village near Copenhagen and I went. I went on my own, sitting down in the plush, velvet seats of the theatre and I watched the whole thing. To this day, I remember the feeling it gave me, when the Mendelssohn Midsummer Night overture played. When I listen to it today, I still get that exact feeling, although I haven’t watched this particular ballet since that time. It was that strong a sensation.
And I can only describe it like falling in love.
I fell in love with the artform. I fell in love with Susanne as a ballerina. And once I got back home to my aunt, I got online and I ordered a ticket for the next day when she was dancing again.
I think I saw this ballet three times in the span of two days (there was a matinee and an evening performance the second day), Susanne dancing all three times because the other ballerina covering the lead had got injured. It was the same kind of epiphany each time.
After that, I began travelling back and forth between Copenhagen and Aarhus where I live, catching as many performances with Susanne in them as possible. I bought a theatre card for the following season, so I could get all my tickets cheaper and then I watched 6-7-8 different performances over the span of a year.
However, what really made me find solace in ballet was how… after the Midsummer Night performances, I wrote a long letter to Susanne and sent to her via the theatre. I didn’t hear anything back, of course, and neither did I expect it and the months passed by… then, half a year later, a letter landed in my mailbox. It was handwritten on cream, thick paper and attached to a postcard showing the Royal Danish Ballet ballerinas as sylphs in a meadow, a kind of promotional photo, I guess. It was from Susanne. She apologised if the letter was late to find me, but she had lost my return address and had called the hospital that I had mentioned in my letter to ask, if she sent the letter to them, would they forward it to me. She had gone through so much trouble for my sake.
So I wrote back and told her the letter had made it. I thanked her. I told her I had begun following the ballet closely at this point and that I enjoyed everything I’d seen her in.
We began corresponding sporadically, Susanne and I. She was extremely understanding and sweet towards me. I will never forget her for that, although she has been retired for years at this point and I have started following other dancers instead.
She was where it all began and she has taken me on such an incredible journey. Not to be dramatic, but there are days it feels like I owe her my life.
Some links:
Susanne in some clips from La Sylphide.
Susanne in a variation from Napoli.

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Ballet has been my comfort for so many years. I hope to be able to return to live performances soon. Until then, I enjoy what I can find online and writing fanfiction about it, lol.
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I think it's beautiful Susanne wrote back to you and that you corresponded with her for awhile, too.
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I completely agree that the arts are not a luxury, but necessary for a healthy society, a healthy individual and a healthy world view. Luckily in Denmark we still prioritize cultural enrichment to some degree, but it has been going downhill the past ten years, evidently. Luckily the Royal Theatre has some very powerful and rich patrons that help, but it shouldn't have to be up to a few individual's personal interests, but instead a collective interest in giving these experiences to everybody...
Sorry, that became a rant, but I feel very strongly about this.
I'm glad you enjoyed the tale of my finding ballet and Susanne. I should write about how I met Holly Dorger another day.
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And please don't be too angry about my hospital experiences. Most of them have been fine and have helped me at that point in my life. It served its purpose, so to speak. But sure, it frustrates me that the treatment for mental illness isn't better than it is and that there are so many things left up to chance, pretty much.
But that's a rant for another day.
You'll be happy to know that I was able to attend Susanne's final performance with the theatre and it was a delight to see her off that way. I have also followed Kizzy pretty closely, though she retired during Covid. These days I follow other dancers, primarily Holly Dorger who I've had a very close fan-artist relationship to as well, but also dancers like Jonathan Chmelensky have taken a special place in my heart now. I look forward to see what lies in store for the Royal Danish Ballet in the future.
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Obviously not comparative, but I absolutely feel you in regards to the impact of covid. Before covid, I would be going to see bands like once a week, once every two weeks... and then suddenly nothing. I'm super glad you got to see Susanne's final performance with the company though, that's lovely. I have so much admiration for the depth of your knowledge and love. The only ballet I have ever seen is La Fille mal gardée (an actual donkey pooed on stage!), but I've been in love with stories like Swan Lake forever, and I'd love to see a performance but it's always so expensive here. I'm sad because despite being from London, now that I'm faced with having to move away, I feel I haven't really had the opportunities to see big productions like Swan Lake or The Nutcracker, and... ah, I'm kind of bitter!
Enough of my melancholy! tl;dr I admire your admiration!!
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Where are you moving, btw? There are a fair few great regional companies in the UK, too!
I don't know if you like to watch these things online, but I can make a masterpost of some of my favourite ballet performances on YouTube that are up in full, add a little bit of beauty to your life, even through a screen.
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During lockdown, I watched every free stream that opera houses and ballet companies broadcast on youtube as a way of not only dealing with my isolation, but also as something to punctuate the days, and I really fell in love so I'm not at all adverse to online recommendations! I'm about to go visit your post later so apologies if I get far too enthusiastic in your comments at a later date in the future, haha.
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And never be afraid to return to an old post and comment on it! I love seeing what things people return to.
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