tuesday.

[sunfright]

THE LADY OF THE CAMELLIAS by Alexandre Dumas fils

But I warn you, I want to be free to do whatever suits me, without giving you the slightest information about my life. I've been looking for a young lover for a long time, someone who isn't strong-willed, who's loving but not mistrustful, who is loved by me, but who doesn't claim that as his right. I've never been able to find one. Men, instead of being satisfied with the favors one grants them after a long courtship during which they scarcely hoped to obtain that favor even once, expect their mistress to give them a full account of her present, her past, and even her future. Once they get used to her, they want to dominate her, and they become still more insistent on getting everything they want. If I decide to take a new lover now, I want him to have three qualities that are extremely rare: He must be confident, obedient, and discreet.

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BONUS:





I found this beautiful image on an aesthetic blog on Tumblr and it just sums up my mood today completely. Grey and a bit dreary, but also very beautiful in its own way. I love how the colours of the wall and the painting match so seemlessly that the painting almost steps into the wall. I need to go to a museum again soon, I miss it.

And after I saw that video of Baulac as Marguerite, have some beautiful ballet stills in the Palais Garnier!

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BLACK PAS DE DEUX - LA DAME AUX CAMELLIAS (excerpt, Léonore Baulac & Mathieu Ganio)

Hadn't seen this version before and just stumbled upon it. It's gorgeous. The emotion and the musicality, I've never seen anything like it. It really fits the mood of the scene in the book so well, better than any other interpretation I've watched before. Especially Baulac, wow. Wow. Consider this a teaser, because if you liked this, you'll love the whole thing (different cast/production, but also gorgeous).

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WHAT'S GOING ON IN RL
I slept well tonight. That usually bodes well, but my mood has been kind of downcast and I feel really anxious for no real reason, so I'm just kind of trembling my way through the day, trying to distract myself.

I have today and tomorrow off, having to gather enough energy for the concert on Thursday. I'm getting nervous about that as well, a lot of people in one place, the kind of experience I haven't had for years now. But at the same time, it's so important that I don't let my fear decide how I live my life and this will be the first big thing where I step out of my comfort zone to do something I know will be good for me.

K. worked from home this morning and while lovely to have her sitting in the living room, so I could hear and feel her presence, it's a break with the usual norm and I'm so ridiculously bad with changes. She's gone to work now and I'm home alone, so the rest of the day will be spent trying to find my footing again.

I looked at my calendar for next week and saw that I had put three appointments in just two days, having to go to work Tuesday and then getting a friend over I haven't seen in literal years Wednesday - where I also have my social worker appointment. A brief talk with my social worker, and I decided to cancel her visit, so I can focus on the other two things, because just doing two things in two days is a bit of a stretch and I will no doubt be paying the price in the week that follows.

Some things are worth the price you have to pay, though.

Besides, my social worker assured me that should anything happen until the other side of Easter, I can always text her and we'll figure something out. She knows me really well, she could tell I was worried about the gap over the holidays.

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WHAT'S GOING ON IN FANDOM/RP
Took a day off Germaine as well, today. I've been rereading some parts of The Lady of the Camellias and returning to Marguerite's voice is always like coming home, so to destress, I'm focusing on her for today. So far, I've put up more visualosities for her and started in on my unconventionalcourtship challenge, where I ended up going with another prompt and thus, writing a Lady of the Camellias fic about an unlikely match between Marguerite and Julie Duprat. I've written the beginning of this fic already and done some outlining/planning stuff and I think it might be pretty good, actually. I have plenty of time to finish it, too, so I'm glad to have gotten a head start.

The prompt sounds thus:

103) THE COURTESAN
by JULIA JUSTISS

After years of dangerous fighting, Captain Julie Duprat had returned home to take up family duties and perhaps find herself a wife. But her life was thrown into turmoil when she viewed a fencing lesson unlike any other. The talented student was a beautiful young woman – and the most infamous courtesan in all of Paris – Mlle. Marguerite Gautier.

Who was the mysterious Marguerite? Eager to uncover the true woman behind the façade, Julie wagers she can win a kiss from Marguerite if she bests her at fencing. Though Marguerite is a woman she cannot afford to keep nor dare to marry, Julie is willing to risk it all to win her to her bed.

And the beginning of the fic, so far, goes like this:

They called it fencing in the acknowledgement of how very sharp a courtesan's tongue could be, and because - as with the sport - it attracted the attention of a rowdy audience who would, for each blow delivered and every advance, make their satisfaction or disappointment be heard in shouts and gasps. Likewise, at every attack that was deemed faulty, or which aimed below the belt, booing would rise from the surrounding crowds. The fencing matches, essentially debates on which one could gamble, held in the private homes of the women who could normally only be observed in their boxes or found parading the Champs-Élysées were attractive venues for a good night of entertainment, and that was before anyone had even been invited into their beds!






We'll see where we end up.