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saturday.
HUMILITY by
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sunfright“She has suffered for it,” says Des Grieux as we sink back into the space between sleep and awareness, where the shadows are thicker than smoke and hang low along the ground like fog that exists only where cold and warm collide, life and death meeting there. He watches her convulsive shape. She breathes irregularly, chasing the next expansion of lungs.
“For what,” I ask him.
“Her life,” he replies.
“You are wrong,” I chastise him unapologetically, “she has suffered for a man.”
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Having never seen Mauro Bolognini's film, I can't speak for the rest of it, but this still gives me not only a vibe that is perfect for the ending of my story, but also for me the past two-three days. I feel exactly like she looks, in this shot.
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TAKE THIS WALTZ - LENA MÅNDOTTER
I found Lena Måndotter's Leonard Cohen covers a million years ago, it feels like, but haven't listened to them in years, but as I worked on the final chapter of my fic, they came to the forefront of my mind. My personal favourite is her interpretation of "By the Rivers Dark", but "Take This Waltz" and "Dance Me to the End of Love" seemed more fitting for what I was writing, so I've been listening to them on repeat. I really like her hoarse, raw voice, a real story-teller voice, and the way it's all so husky and dark. It probably added a couple of notches of extra shadow to my imagery for the fourth chapter.
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We cleaned today, always some huge enterprise on its own.
K. also printed my story for me, so I can read it over and edit it by hand, which is the way I prefer to do it. Haven't gotten started yet, but am hoping to get to it after dinner.
Other than that, I have been out cold mentally since Thursday. After I finished the first draft of my fic, I just... I completely lost my composure and tried figuring out what to do with myself, then, to no great avail. Purposelessness doesn't become me, and I was tired from running in circles in my mind for hours on end, so I've just been trying to survive in the meantime. Today is the first day where I feel, relatively, like a normal person.
My disability meething is on Thursday, so hopefully things will settle a bit after that. One can hope.
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Still trying to avoid RP'ing as much as possible, though the inclination is there.
I went through a huge writing spurt Thursday morning and wrote all of the fourth chapter, approx. 6 pages, in pretty much one single go. Then, I went to see my therapist, so no wonder I was completely wiped out in the evening. I had no energy and no real incentive to look at my story again, so I've left it to itself until now. Hopefully I've distanced myself to it enough that I can look at it with fresh, more objective eyes.
The plan is to reread, edit and figure out what exactly to do about the ending. I'm not sure I'm completely satisfied, not so much the writing or the plotlines, but there's something about it structurally that might need some reconstruction. We'll see.
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