sunfright | november 1st.

We are all seeds planted by men, I am and Marguerite Gautier is too, as evidence suggests. In half an hour from now, she will be running to his apartment, and she will be his again. As long as we both know, she was mine first.

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This, this is the mood I've been going for all day and will be trying to incorporate in my fic tomorrow, too. That sense of being caught inside your head, seeing things only you can see, being followed by imaginary fears. Just as seen from the perspective as the nightmare doing the stalking, of course. That's pretty much the concept for this fic. Manon, the idea, the character, inserting herself into Marguerite Gautier's life, owning her, because in Marguerite's mind they are the same, represent the same issues. It reminds me of Black Swan quite a lot. Someone should make a movie about that, really. The sapphic romance between a dancer dancing Marguerite and a dancer dancing Manon. I would buy the shit out of that.

Also, I'm listening to Rihanna on repeat, especially S&M, Love On the Brain and We Found Love. Her music just has the perfect mood for Manon, tbh. Kind of obsessive, aggressive and desperate at the same time.

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WRITING progress

I started out at midnight having a total meltdown. I had the time to change my mind about my project at least four times within the span of thirty minutes, but had a good talk with a friend who calmed me down in regards to my original idea and I sat down and wrote maybe 300 words before collapsing onto my bed.

Throughout the day, I've returned to my document a couple of times and am now past the first 1000 words which is somewhat of a milestone for me, personally. I think 1000 words will be my personal daily goal throughout the month. I'm not a fast writer and setting the bar any higher will most likely discourage me a lot. I like meeting my goals.

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WRITING thoughts

It's been really wonderful to get started on this project and actually... you know, decide that's what I'm gonna do. Not jump between ideas all the time. Change focus almost compulsively. Now this is what I'm working on and so far, I'm really enjoying it. Manon is good company and I really like her voice, it's not difficult to maintain. Not tiring.

And it's kind of fun that I'm writing something bordering on... if not horror, then suspense. Supernatural suspense? Is that a thing? It isn't my genre at all, but look at me, here I am.

I wasn't sure how long I could stretch this idea, but having written two pages that are basically just one second of what happens in canon? I'm not so uncertain any more. It'll go a long way, I can tell. At this pace. That's the part that's very me, I guess, even if the genre is not - the slow as fuck pace and second stretching into 500 words, at the least. That's my style.

Plus, the meta-level of this fic is out of this world, pretty much. Never written anything so disconnected to the real world and yet anchored firmly within it. Very interesting process.

I'm feeling optimistic. Can you tell?