sunday.

And in the meantime, my third read-through/editing round came to an end and I have sent Lest They Leave to 3 betas... No, wait, 4. A fourth beta volunteered themselves, because they liked the concept of my novel so much. I don't know them as well as I know the 3 others (one which is my gf), but I do get the sense they'll be very honest and direct if something doesn't work, which is a good thing. They're also personally interested in and knowledgeable about the 1920's, so they'll be able to fact check and help with historical accuracy. Exactly what I needed!

Though, it does fill me with some nerves, not gonna lie. I've researched quite a bit for this story, but I know I haven't gone deep into being completely historically accurate, so. I might take some ego bruising with that, hahaha.

Also a bit nerve-wrecked about my gf betaing it. Mostly because I'm so excited for her to read this, finally. To share with her what has had me so preoccupied the past month. It's a very special feeling.



My parents came to visit yesterday, too, to exchange x-mas presents and have tea, just a short visit. It went quite well, everything considered, though the whole party was pretty tired. Me from having run around all morning getting things ready, K. from having been to a very alcohol-filled x-mas party at work the night before and my parents had been out to pick up a shelf system somewhere in another part of our city first, before coming here, so they'd been hard at work already, too. However, it did go well, the conversation flowed easily, mostly and we got presents exchanged back and forth.



After that, both K. and I were just... knackered. Completely worn out and it was what K. calls a "wasted evening", like, we wanted to do stuff, but didn't have the spoons. No energy whatsoever. But I survived staying up until half past nine and then, just tumbled into bed. Slept until now (1am-ish) and will go back to sleep once I've calmed down from the nightmare that woke me up. It left me terribly restless.



I'm also feeling a bit slumped now that I have to wait for feedback on my novel. I've given all my betas a couple of months, so not expecting to hear much on that until past January, but the wait is already making me feel a bit... yeah. This novel is my baby. I want my baby to be liked.

Because I do like my baby a lot.

sunday.

Not tonight, but maybe tomorrow, or after x-mas, I'll try writing some 'side stories' for Lest They Leave. I'd like to do a novella as seen from Charles', Armand's and Eloisa's points of view. I don't think I'm aiming for a full novel for each of them, but you never know for sure, so I'll start writing and see where it leads me this time.

Lest They Leave is out with its betas now and there's nothing more I can do about it. I even dread reading over the story now, should I find some grave error. Which I know is silly, because then I'd just correct it and live with any number of my betas noticing it, too.

But my ego is frail and the world is sharp-edged and hard, guys.



Still, I wanna get better, so this is the only way. Put myself out there for evaluation, judgement and critique. With people who're friendly, who mean well. But also people who want to see me be my very best. I try turning it over that way in my head.



Tomorrow I'm going to the library to turn in some overdue books. They're books I originally borrowed to prepare for Lest They Leave, so turning them in now when I've finally finished is kinda like a symbol of that process. It's been a timely one. They're two Fitzgerald books (in Danish) - I've put the English versions on my wishlish this year. Just for great justice.



And meanwhile - while we wait for beta feedback, so see me in three months, I guess - I've rediscovered my love for Postmodern Jukebox and am listening to covers like Young and Beautiful, Bad Romance, Good As Hell and Enjoy the Silence - as well as former PMJ singer, Robyn Adele Anderson's version of Beyonce's Crazy in Love, because they're all 20's inspired. Great songs all of them, too.



We had McD for dinner tonight, because K. hadn't had her hangover food yesterday. It was nice, being so easy.



I've just been really tired today and I know it's just a reaction to being done with a big project and x-mas drawing nearer and nearer, so I try to just... be in it, exist in that state of being. It's still three hours before I can go to bed.