wednesday.

[sunfright]

UNTITLED by Anise Koltz

I advance without a net
from one star to another
sliding through black holes
I leap from moons to suns

I rock at the edges
of the earth
already no longer belonging to it

Because this poem is a lie
it has the right to be beautiful

__________




WHAT'S GOING ON IN RL
I've been quiet for some days now. A lot of things have been going on, not so much in my life as in my mind. My mind's been a busy and scary place the past days. I had a visit from my social worker home assistant whatever you call it in English, if there's even a word for it. I think the work we did today might make the rest of the week easier, but you never know. The mind tends to jump surprises on you, well, at least my mind tends to jump surprises at me a lot, so. However, I got a great piece of advice from her today, about anxiety and worrying. To set aside a specific time of day to worry. The rest of the day, every time a worry comes up or an anxious thought, just remind it that I'll think about it then and then, there and there. I've heard about this technique from my mom, actually, but no professionals have ever introduced me to it, so today I got the general idea behind it for the first time. I know I've been doing something like it for a while, but to be conscious about doing it is the first step to doing it more succesfully and I think it could help. Here's to hoping.

Friday I had my mom and dad over for a birthday visit. I'd been sooooo nervous about it, our relationship has been on the rocks for a long time, but it was really nice and everybody did their best to make it a smooth sailing. It was lovely being able to see them again and hug them and feel that they still care for me, although I sometimes feel like they don't. I need to be kinder to them in my thoughts, I think, I need to remember that everyone's human and things have been tough on them as well. We're all struggling. I forget that sometimes in my need to be the child again and get the care and support I didn't really get as a kid.

I feel exhausted constantly these days. And I don't sleep very well, but still better than I have for some time. There is progress, the steps I'm taking are just so endlessly small that sometimes it feels like I'm not moving at all. But I'm in a different place than I was a year ago. And two years ago. And ten years ago. In some bad ways, but also in a lot of good ones.

I get a lot of writing done, these days. Like, more than I have in years and years.

__________



WHAT'S GOING ON IN FANDOM/RP
I reread The Little Prince the day before yesterday and had a lovely evening of RP'ing the Fox (in human form). Not a muse that'll stick, but it was lovely while it lasted and rereading the book just made me realize how much I love it.

All this Lucifer/Elio PSL'ing and seeing various original takes on Lucifer around RP-land made me want to try my own hands at a Lucifer character concept. It's Datenshi no Namida inspired insofar as the dance-element goes (yes, it takes place in a ballet setting) and very Lucifer (TV) inspired as for Lucifer as a character - and you know, yet not. My Lucifer goes by Luce and is female. A ballerina Devil. Got a bit carried away with the whole 'dancing with the Devil' metaphor, but it's two things I care about a lot, ballet and Theological Stuff, so it's been a lot of fun to combine them.

Really, it's all very random and such, but it had me writing, so I now have a fic up on AO3 that takes place within that universe. I have a feeling, it won't be the last of its kind. There's a lot of universe to explore here. And soooo much ballet. ♥

This also means I've covered three prompts out of the five-prompt row I'm working on! I'm ridiculously pleased and proud about this. Especially since, I think, a new round of genprompt_bingo is just around the corner.