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Entry tags:
monday.
SPUTNIK SWEETHEART by Haruki Murakami
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The weather has been all spring and no regrets today - until late afternoon when I took a real dive emotionally and have been scraping by for the rest of the day. My parents are coming on Friday and it's stirring up all kind of issues and feelings that I am just... not in any state of mind to deal with. I feel tired and anxious constantly and am haunted by a sensation of not being good enough or doing well enough. I know it stems from them, but I don't know what to do about it. Not getting to see my therapist until late next month and while it was definitely a good idea to take a break from her, I am pretty sure I'm gonna be a mess when I get that far.
To distract myself I've returned to my favourite ever book, Sputnik Sweetheart, by Haruki Murakami and maybe, just maybe picked up a Miu muse. We'll see when I've finished my reread, but I went ahead and made a journal beforehand like a sucker. Sophisticated and refined, she's just my type. And I love how Murakami has written her, I think she's probably the most well-written character in the book. There's something insanely alluring and mysterious about her and he portrays that extremely well. Sumire is in love with her, but maybe because she isn't seen through Sumire's love-struck gaze, but through a third person perspective, I keep thinking: what has this woman experienced? Having read the book before, I remember the gist of it, but it being so long ago now that I don't actually remember it in detail, I feel I'm kind of experiencing the mystery of her all over again. That's a nice feeling, at least. Hope to finish the book tomorrow.
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So, I did two things today. I made a journal for Elio, since K. and I talked about starting a new PSL with him and one of her OCs. I even wrote a fic for that universe, to get him placed within its framework, so I hope we'll get to try our hands on it later, but right now it's just too much work. I need it low-effort and low-maintenance. That's what Miu's for, I think. She should be an easy character to get interaction with, aside from being a woman, she's talkative, social, well-educated and interesting... I think she could be fun.
K. and I are working on the second chapter of our fanfic with Elio and Lucifer and it's making me love that PSL more than ever, it's just such a joy to reread and work on.
These are the things I cling to.