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wednesday.
Against absolutely all odds, I have managed the two things I'd set my mind to today.
1) I talked to my social worker!! I fucking did it. And I cried and it was painful, but she was amazing about it and very understanding and promised to take this episode into consideration in the future. Meaning, she will probably be more attentive to my reactions in the future. I was so happy. I cleaned out our office space (minus the messy corner which we'll look at next week) afterwards with her help and it looks pretty amazing now, actually. I'm really proud of myself.
2) Despite having zero motivation to do it, I've keyworded and made a general outline for the tenth chapter of my Omina fic. Suddenly I understand the fanfic authors who have WIPs lying around with, like, 9/11 chapters on AO3 and no continuation in sight, because fuck, if that isn't where I am. I hit such a peak in chapter 9, it's kinda hard moving on from there, although it needs to get done to tie it all together. Luckily, my online writing group is hosting 24 Hours of Writing on Friday with bingos and challenges and sprints, so I hope to not only catch up, but get a head start on my weekend's writing then.
I am nursing some insecurities and doubts right now regarding myself and my worth in this world, but I'm trying to work through it without it becoming a big thing. And, more than anything, to avoid agreeing with the voice that tells me I'm not enough, not doing enough, etc. Because at least I know it's bullshit, fifteen years of therapy has done something
Where it felt very real, the things I can tell myself.
On the other hand, today has also been a day of proving that they can be very real, the things I want to do for myself, so I guess it's a 50/50.
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therapy has done something
besides ruining me financially*snorts* right? we'd be so much richer if we weren't mentally fucked lol
but seriously further congrats on being able to recognize it as bullshit. but yeah, still they feel so real. I get it.
-Wolf
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Indefinitely wealthier.
Thank you! It was a good and necessary talk and I'm glad I took it. Same with battling these thoughts, it's hard work but I save myself a lot of pain by not giving in to them. No hardship of struggling to separate thought and reality can compare to not trying to do it.