sunday.

[sunfright]

Are writer's hangovers a thing? I'm pretty sure that was what I woke up with today.

Considering the insane amount of words I spat out yesterday, sure, I'd kind of foreseen a reaction of some kind and set aside a "day of rest" in my schedule, too, but when I woke up in the middle of the night and spent a couple of hours keywording and outlining my September chapter with no real problems, I went to sleep around half past three with a feeling that today might be a good writing day regardless.

How wrong I was.

I woke up with a completely scattered mind. Everything inspired - yet frustrated me, because none of the inspiration was geared towards the fic I'm working on. That fic made my stomach turn, actually, and I didn't even wanna look at it. Tried and failed a couple of times. Then, we did a quick sweep, cleaning-wise, of the apartment and there was a lot of hustle and bustle with that which stressed me out completely. I was on the verge of a real fucking breakdown afterwards and definitely didn't feel like writing.

Suddenly, I felt like I hated the whole fic, every poem in it, the utter lack of direction and so on, so forth. I was just done, okay? I wanted to quit.

Looking at me and seeing exactly what was going on, K. - my GF - suggested we went for the delicious fish and chips at the nearby harbour- and vacation-town and made that my pre-birthday dinner, then just have ordinary food tonight and tomorrow evening on my birthday.

The drive there was rainy, but grey and beautiful and it calmed my mind a little bit. The food was amazing and when we arrived home, I was so tired I more or less fell asleep in my seat, though I managed to relocate to the bed.

I slept for an hour.

Now, I feel like an actual human being. I've written a couple of poems for September and I like the outline I'm following, so not all is lost. There are still things about August I'm a bit iffy about, but I'm gonna catch it in the editing process, I think. Rather than linger on it now and let it slow me down.

I've decided I will finish this fic and I will finish it quickly, even if it must be the death of me to do so, because if I'm not done with this fic by the end of April, it'll never get done, I can just tell. It's one of those spur of the moment fancies and I want it out. I want it out good and I'm willing to work on it however long it takes to get it there, but the raw first draft?

Out, out, out.

Also, birthday tomorrow. No real plans. I know K. has planned to make breakfast for me and decorate our kitchen table the way we usually do for each other on our birthdays, but I'm not expecting any visits or planning to do anything special. Honestly, this past week has been so overwhelmingly much that I just want to sleep the next two weeks, please. Looking through my calendar, I have no appointments besides the weekly visits from my social worker and her apprentice, so if I actually honour that and don't push myself?

Maybe I'll eventually recover from this shitshow that is my life.

The thing in which nothing much happens, but nothing much is a whole fucking load?

Yep.

Comments

[ex_flameandsong751]

Writer's hangovers are definitely a thing. I have had similar reactions while working on WIPs.

Also nothing much happens, but nothing much is a whole fucking load is so relatable.

[sunfright]

Thought so. I've tried it to a minor extent before, especially when finishing short stories and fics and such, but this is the first time I have it this much. How do you usually deal with it?

And yes, haha, that sentence sums up my life, pretty much.

[ex_flameandsong751]

I usually take 1-2 days off working on anything and focus on art or other hobbies instead, when this happens. I don't know how well that will work for you, but it's my usual way to cope, is make myself stop thinking about it for a couple days.

The other thing I'm prone to is having a big emotional crash after I finish a long WIP but sometimes this is a delayed reaction, like it doesn't hit for a few days or few weeks.

[sunfright]

I'm not really all that creative in other fields than writing, so art is not that much of an option for me, but RP'ing is usually a good distraction, so I might do that. Easy way to feel productive as well, without actually taking too great a toll on me. Listening to a lot of music could help, too. Thanks!

Yeah, I can imagine when I'm done with this one, I'll see some big emotional rollercoaster reaction, too. I'm prepared for that, whenever it comes.