sunfright | monday.

THE LADY OF THE CAMELLIAS by Alexandre Dumas fils

We must have done something truly wicked before we were born, or some great happiness must be in store for us after our deaths, for God to permit so many tortures of expiation, so many painful trials, in this life.

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Although Gudrun Bojesen (original second cast for Marguerite and later won a Danish prize for her interpretation) isn't my favourite in the role, the photos Danish photographer took of her are pretty much inspired. In the same series there were two photos of Susanne as well and they decorate my office wall, because Marguerite is my forever favourite character. The one above is, no doubt, the best in the series though and shows how effortlessly light and breezy Neumeier's choregraphy can look when danced by a star quality dancer.

However, remind me to show you that one I have of Susanne's Marguerite tomorrow, ok? It's perfection.

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LADY OF THE CAMELLIAS - SUSANNE GRINDER & ALBAN LENDORF

An exquisite video of the original Danish cast of the Lady of the Camellias ballet by John Neumeier. I've seen four out of the five casts for this ballet and these two are among the best. I can't emphasize enough that if you're at all curious about ballet, but dance as a language is still new to you, this particular ballet would be a good first pick, because the style of the steps is very evocative and emotional all on their own, without excessive mime. It's a story ballet with a very clear story and if you are familiar with Dumas' book beforehand (like, just a summary of it), you'll understand most of what's going on seamlessly. The best available version is the Paris Opera Ballet's with Agnes Letestu and Stephane Bullion in the leads and it's hands down the best version there is, no matter how much I love my Danes.

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WHAT'S GOING ON IN RL
Saw my doctor today, very brief appointment, but everything looked the way it should, it's just... my mood that isn't what it's supposed to be and we didn't really arrive at any conclusions about that, except me popping more sedatives. Which I do gladly, I just don't know if it's enough. But I guess I can always take contact if things get worse. I just... hate that it keeps going in this vein, where it's horrible one moment and bearable the next and when people catch me in my bearable moments, I talk about it like that's what it's like all the time.

I don't know why I do that. Why I'm so bad at admitting I'm struggling, that it sucks, that it's hard.

Guessing my parents have something to do with it.

Had to cancel my 'bostøtte' today. There's no equivalent to the word that I know in English. It's a person who comes into your home when you're part of a vulnerable group and acts as your support in dealing with the practical matters of making life run smoothly, paying bills, contacting officials, and so on. They're often originally social workers, but I've met nurses and other people doing it, too. I get a visit each week from mine, but this week I had to cancel, because the doctor's appointment proved to be in attendance where I'd thought it was by phone. My mistake, but made for a very stressful morning and some after-shocks emotionally afterwards. No energy to be adulting today, unfortunately.

Instead I've managed to finish my reread of The Lady of the Camellias and it's still one of my favourite books, for all its flaws, and it still made me cry at the end, despite knowing everything that would happen. It's just such a lavish, romantical, emotional thing, that story.

I'm definitely going to write fanfic for it. Julie Duprat is very vivid in my mind and I want her story to be told. I've worked with Marguerite's story for ten years, it's time to dive into a new woman's fate.

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WHAT'S GOING ON IN FANDOM
So, right now Lady of the Camellias is my main thing going on fandom wise. I made notes today to be able to work on this fanfic the next two days when I don't have other plans and can just stay at home, before work on Thursday. It'll be part of my

genprompt_bingo challenge, maybe I'll try writing more about Julie for it. She seems to be a blank slate to work with, at least. There's also something interesting about writing about a character who doesn't exist in the ballet version that is my go-to version, but only in the novel, like I have to focus on other aspects of the story, because the novel is told differently, with other focuses.

Also, for this fanfic, had to find my ancient copy of Baudelaire's Les Fleurs du Mal, to reread his Condemned Women poems, because I wanted to use something from them in my fic. I used to idolize these poems (all of Fleurs du Mal, meaning), when I was at my lowest ten years ago. They were exactly harsh and painful and tormented enough to suit how I felt. I still very much like them, but I'm in a different place now and can read them as products of their time, rather than as reflections of my soul. That both changes things a bit and sets me free from them a little.

Maybe one of them will be the poem of tomorrow...