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november 6th.
“I am happy,” she says. The tray looks heavy between her slender, fragile, pale hands, the bones of her skeleton easy to make out beneath the canvas of her skin, I do not take it from her, I do not take the plates either. I make myself useful in no way that she may need now, because her current state is pitiful and delusional. There is a line between romantic idealism and the abyss, and the line is as thin as her skin, it means nothing, and once you cross it, you are doomed.
It is the distance between us that she doesn’t cross, and neither do I force myself upon her, her choices are her own, I am only here to reflect them back at her. Does she look at me now and hate me, more than she hated me when I shared my pleasure with her, reminding her what gives her the truest enjoyment. Need I remind her again?
“That surely doesn’t matter.”
“You were happy once, let your book be my witness!”
“I lost everything, and I died even so. What morale do you take from that?”
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This sonata by Chopin, from which the largo is used for the famous white pas de deux in The Lady of the Camellias. But as my gf pointed out when we discussed it, the other parts of the sonata are much less “soft” and “romantic” and actually fit Manon extremely well as a character in my interpretation of it, so I’ve been listening to the whole thing on repeat since midday, pretty much.
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I can’t give you an exact word count anymore, my word counts have become a bit haphazard because I write so much! But I think I’ve written more than 2000 words today, and I have definitely finished my second chapter and made notes and prep to start the third (maybe last!) one tomorrow. Very excited about that, though I have a less clear idea about that one than about the two that came before. The scenes in the third act that it moulds itself after are more diverse and different than in the other two acts, so we’ll see how we manage to tie it together.
Plus, Marguerite’s death. ;_; I will kill myself a little writing that, I’m sure.
Current word count on the story, though, that I can give you! 10.130 words! It’s crazy how far I’ve gotten in just six days.
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I don’t really know where to begin today. I feel overwhelmed (with joy) and completely ecstatic that I’m in such a good flow right now. I know it won’t last, but for now it’s just so enjoyable and distracting in the perfect way that I need right now, with the meeting coming up on the 17th. It’s like medicine. Works better than that, too. I don’t have the deep, deep dives into depression that I would normally have, drawing closer to such an important event. This is something to focus on and help me keep my mind in the right place.
Also, I’m proud of my story, I’m God-honest proud of what I’m producing right now and I can’t want to get to work on it more in depth, once it’s done. Get fresh eyes to look at it, edit it, polish it up until it shines like I want it to shine.
All in all, today is good and I am ready to face a new week with more writing challenges that I may overcome and prove to myself what I can do when I am giving myself the right tools.
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That resonates.
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