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november 2nd.
We find ourselves draped in what little light can survive beneath the canopy of the winding stairs, such semi-darkness our natural environment. Half the world is visible from here. On our own, we make for the other half, it’s like this that we fill the vacancies, the openings that we ourselves bring with us, carry on our persons.
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"Any word written during NaNoWriMo counts, and any word written is better than no words written." - overheard in the regional NaNoWriMo server earlier and it really gave me a boost.
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I started out with a word count of approx. 1023 words this morning when I woke up and sat down to write before it was six o'clock. I think I got about 300 words written in that first spurt and then, I got nothing relevant written until later in the afternoon. Mostly because I once more had a meltdown over my original idea and was sure I could never make anything interesting of it or keep the momentum up, but also because I'd had a bad morning, forgetting my medicine and as such, was more vulnerable to such negative, downspiralling thinking. I did manage to get started on another text, unrelated to the Purple Diamonds project, just to keep the writing going and keep producing. It's not something I'm ever going to continue, let alone finish, but it helped me not to give up hope and steered me back to my other story. In the end, here by late evening, I managed to write 1000 words more on the first story, besides the 469 words I wrote on the other, unrelated story. I think that's as good as it gets for me, in terms of word counts for a day.
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Today was hard, gosh darn. First off, I didn't sleep well and then, ultimately crashed from between 8 and noon, so I didn't get to take my medicine on time which is always a dead give-away that the process is going to be a bumpy one.
And it was. I was pretty much angsting my way through the first part of the afternoon, completely sure I'd just have to give up the idea of NaNoWriMo entirely, that it would no doubt cause a complete breakdown for me, etc. etc. It got better as I awoke more properly and got around to do some practical things at home, but all in all, wow. What a struggle.
I have plans to actually get out of the apartment tomorrow and spend a couple of hours at the local library, writing there with whoever shows up, before seeing my doctor, so maybe I also just need to feel like I'm doing something other than sitting at home. It's all I can do most of the time right now, but God, it's also slowly getting me stir-crazy.
Now I'll make sure to get to bed before midnight tonight and get a good night's sleep. See if that doesn't help on the process tomorrow. Here's to hoping!
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