wednesday.

Title of this post should be: barely Wednesday, to be honest.

It's half past midnight. Why am I up? Some nights, I'm pretty disciplined, although I do wake up, I stay in bed, maybe only get up to use the bathroom, then crawl back into bed again. Nights like yesterday night, for example. Good.

Then, at times like now, I wake up with a start and a beating heart and even when I've done my business and my body is ready to resume sleep, my mind fights the mere notion. Not because I'm not tired as fuck, but because there's some kind of restlessness there, some kind of anxiety that I simply couldn't even imagine lying down with.

That's not good.

Like shit, I'm so tired my eyes are watering, but no real desire to sleep. Why is this?

_________

Well, since I'm here anyway, you might as well get the update on today's progress on the story. No one asked, here's the answer!

Current word count: 26.333/50.000~ (including notes, keywords for July and outline)
Current month count: 6/12
Current poem count: 181/365

I'm halfway there. I'm beginning to weave the threads, outlining the major "plotlines", feels silly calling it that, since literally nothing much happens, that follow the Amazon's personal development and her growth as a character, what turning points I want for the last half of the novel and so on. I think I'm finally seeing the overarching tendencies and "moods" of this story and it feels pretty good, because it shows there's a consistency, even within a narrative that focuses on journey and change between Start A and End B. Some things along the line have surprised even me as the writer, the character has largely been allowed to speak and do on her own terms, but generally things have shaped out to be almost exactly as I had envisioned.

That's a really good feeling. While this is fanfiction, I don't think I've ever written a story that is as much me as this one, none of my original fics hold up to this process.

I should probably figure out what reward I want to buy myself once I'm done, both because I need something to strive towards as a "go you, you done good" but also because I'm expecting I'l experience a major drop in mood after this massive outlet of creative energy and something nice to soothe me in that feeling would be helpful.

Maybe some kind of ballet to inspire future writings? A new project could possibly lessen my "grief" over the end of this one. Hmm...

I think I'm beginning to get tired again. Better not let that feeling go to waste.

wednesday.

Currently, this is the bop I listen to while writing. It has such an epic Amazon vibe.

Watch on YouTube

Update on today to come later.

wednesday.

Yes, again. Actually writing-relevant this time.

Current word count: 28.099/50.000~ (including notes, keywords for July and outline)
Current month count: 6.5/12
Current poem count: 189/365

__________

When I say, I didn't get much writing relevant done today, I'm - of course - lying. I wrote eight poems, getting a good, head start on the month of July, the rest must get written tomorrow or Saturday, depending on my mood and motivation when I wake up in, hopefully, eight hours from now.

Before my social worker got here, I got the two most important tasks off the list, which were to reread chapter 6 and outline + keyword chapter 7, so I know what I'm working towards. Considering how today played out, I'm so glad I got that done before.

Here's to hoping tomorrow will be kinder on me and my energy and motivation will cooperate, so I can get a good flow in my writing and a lot of it done.