don't fear the sun.

friday.

Fri, 23 Aug 2024 03:23:19 GMT

SOME UPDATES:

For the time being, I'm moving all my writing endeavour talk and other book-related stuff (my own and others') to prosepoetry. I just... needed a change of air. But you are all welcome to make the move with me, if you want. I friend back, no questions asked.

Lest They Leave has been posted, all 13 chapters, to madscenes. It can be found here. I would love if you'd read and/or comment. Might post it to AO3 at some point, but this is it for now.

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friday.

Fri, 08 Mar 2024 10:30:13 GMT

I slept a little, but somehow just feel more tired than I did, sitting up at 3 am. It's thus been a slow morning, waking up very gradually. However, this slow pace seems to have been helping my productivity, because I've already read/edited chapter 6, moving on to chapter 7 in a moment, as well as started writing a new thing. This is the first new piece of writing I've started since finishing Lest They Leave, so this excited me more than anything. I'm not planning on it being terribly long or anything, but I have written a beginning and have an ending in mind, plus it's mostly structured in my head, usually a good sign that I will finish it...

It's written for ladiesbingo's "deities and followers" prompt which I just couldn't leave untouched, now that this round is closing soon (March 31st). It's emulating a religious text, like biblical writings or ancient Greek myths and is the bidding of a fantasy goddess unto her, in these particular fragments, female worshippers. It was nice working a little in my trademark "prosetry" (prose-poetry) style again and I will definitely try to finish this one before the bingo round closes. Even if I don't manage to do a whole line, I can post it as a single during amnesty. That'd be nice.

Because I'm so relieved to be actively writing again and because I'm rather proud of the formatting of this, I'll share the first couple of verses with y'all.

( The Scoll of Maidens, Mothers, Matrons and Mistresses, start... )

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friday.

Fri, 08 Mar 2024 03:33:55 GMT

As always around these parts, it's barely Friday yet, it's more like four hours from Thursday, still, but Google has informed me it's the 8th now, so that means it's Friday and International Women's Day, if you celebrate that. Some years I do. Some years I don't. I feel like it's gonna be a don't year this year.

Today will be a big cleaning day, lots of stuff to do around the apartment, as well as me doing final rounds of editing on chapter 6 + 7 of Lest They Leave (I'd call it proofreading, but there are still enough edits that I don't think that really covers what I'm doing), these are the two primary things. While K. vacuums the place, I'll be shopping groceries and making ready for dinner prep. That's in the afternoon.

It's also the day of fourth check-in for smallfandombang, so at some point today or over the weekend, I'll need to check-in and report on my progress. I did find a sort of beta which is good enough for me, honestly. I'm relatively happy about my writing in this piece that I think I can do without an actual beta. Still need to do a good chunk of work on formatting and posting this shit, though. Sigh.

Least favourite part of the challenge experience.

Today was also the day when it was officially announced that Our Flag Means Death won't be renewed for a third season which isn't that huge a surprise, but from the sideline (through my girlfriend), I've really seen the fandom give their all for this and I'm a bit sad on their behalf. Personally, I'd be very happy if we left Ed and Stede where season 2 leaves them. I didn't honestly need a third (or fourth) season of drama, tearing them apart and possibly putting them back together (or not, you never know with these things, we know how history went, or do we), so while I am sad for the fandom that really went all in on this and fought so valiantly, I'm mostly relieved. Season 2 is my favourite (for many reasons), mainly because it lands the main couple in a place I can live with and have craved to see in popular media, so.

Mixed feelings, I guess. Mixed blessing.

I should go back to bed, honestly, but not sure I could sleep. But maybe I should just try. I can always get up again, if not.

Is that a plan?

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friday.

Fri, 23 Feb 2024 02:49:44 GMT

Although I've been hit by hormones, cramps and some more general triggered-ness since visiting my parents last week, overall I've been better than I have been in a while. Things are just quietly rolling along and I'm keeping up as best I can. A lot of stuff is happening on the roleplay front, as well as in terms of writing. More about that in a moment.

I've been suffering from insomnia the past two weeks. Not that I don't sleep at all, but my sleep is interrupted, sporadic and I feel restless trying to stay in bed, when I'm awake. I intend to try and turn it around next week, but for now I'm just living with it. Luckily, I haven't had any actual plans this week, so I have been able to nap throughout the day and just do whatever to exist at night.

I have accumulated, like, 30 books from the library, the various strings of research I'm doing for various writing projects. I really need to turn some of them in, because I've not using all of them anymore, but it takes some spoons, dragging what feels like half a ton worth of books half a kilometer down a steep hill. I might take some of them later today, if I feel like I need the walk and the breath of fresh air.

( RP )

( Writing talk. )

Next week, I'm seeing both my social worker and my therapist, before it's finally March and officially spring and my birthday month, so I'm really just looking to survive February this time around, get to the end of it and not feel too miserable while doing so.

Usually, I begin feeling better on the other side of my birthday. That's the usual cycle. Hoping the same's gonna be the case this year.

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friday.

Fri, 22 Dec 2023 20:16:19 GMT

I can't believe the 22nd is almost over. The last couple of days have flown by. K. had a friend over who normally lives in Norway, so they only see each other a couple of times a year (aside from their weekly Skype dates), so when they meet up, they do literal 12 hour marathons, often with her friend staying the night. Yesterday, this was particularly relevant, seeing as a big storm passed over Denmark and it would have been dangerous for her to walk home any later than two in the afternoon. We had pizza for dinner from a goumet pizza place nearby and they watched The Haunting of Hill House (again, it's their go-to) while I went to bed early. K.'s friend is a sweetheart, but all that socialization for hours on end tires me out something awful. I did, however, sleep through the night until eight in the morning, which was nice. It happens rarely these days.

Today, we've filled up our fridge for the x-mas days, relying mostly on having things in the fridge we can take up to defrost and cook for the next four days straight. No shopping possibilities until the 27th again. The 24th is spoken for, since my parents-in-law will be in charge of food there, but tomorrow and the 25th + 26th, we're on our own. We are probably gonna realize we are missing something at some point, like toilet paper or something, haha. Ah well, I can buy stuff tomorrow select places.

K. also showed me the incredible honour of taking me with her to the local piano store where they have studios with grand pianos you can rent by the hour and practice. She went to practice the piece she's currently working on, Thème Varié by Cécile Chaminade and asked me to film it for her personal review. She played it three times in a row and I love that piece so much, I never tire of it. Especially the final time, she had such a beautiful contrast between the heavier and forceful parts opposite the very light, delicate parts and I was so happy to hear her really connect with the music. She tells me all sorts of interesting things about it, when she plays, so although I understand maybe a percentage of it, not being a musician myself, I feel how much she enjoys playing and how much joy it gives to her life.

I want her to keep having that. If we lived somewhere bigger, I'd even say yes to her buying a grand piano. As it is, us living in an apartment complex, it's too much of a hassle and we'd have to clear out the living room, hahaha.

We're nearing the end of my Christmas calendar from K., too. I've really enjoyed this calendar a lot and I can't wait to read what the final two days hide. The story is really reaching its climax now.

I also told K. today - probably inspired by the intimate piano concert I was given - that I was planning to write her something inspired by her love for music and outlined the idea for her. Her reaction tells me there are a few details in the set-up I'll need to fix, but otherwise she seemed to like the concept, so I'm sticking to it. We just need to get on the other side of Christmas Eve... She has some birthdays and Christmas dinner on the 25th, so I'll be home alone there most day. Hopefully that means I can get started on writing that thing. I have a very clear idea of the main characters now, at least. And I see the setting pretty clearly, too. Being another historical story, but from another period, I will need to research some stuff, but bring it on. It can't go any worse than last time, LOL.

K. has also been playing a lot of x-mas hymns the past days and I'm beginning to feel the atmosphere, if not exactly the cheer.

I have hope. Like my friend, who's coming tomorrow for tea, wrote me yesterday, the shortest day of the year is behind us, ahead lies the light.

That's beautiful.

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friday.

Fri, 15 Dec 2023 04:12:36 GMT

Finished editing chapter 13 (final chapter) and that means I only have a quick reread of chapter 9-13 (last half of the book) and to begin an overall reread of the whole story over the weekend, and I am ready for the beta phase.

I feel very accomplished.

And might be planning a four-part series, lol.

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friday.

Fri, 22 Sep 2023 17:44:51 GMT

Things accomplished today:

- wrote an additional/missing scene for the Napoli fic, pretty satisfied with it, too, though I still have to read the fic in whole, so I can see if it really blends in as well as I'd like to think
- began RP'ing a little again, themaidensays, a minor character from my Omina verse novel, and it's at a slow, comfortable pace, which I'm very happy about
- cleaned the apartment along with K., had made everything ready for when she got home so we could get right to it

Things not accomplished today:

- shower, tomorrow there'll be no excuse
- didn't get to read as much of the Napoli fic as I'd have liked, but did get the writing done instead

Slowly gearing up for Napoli-watching with S. on Sunday. I hope K. can drive me, so I won't have to take the bus, because taking the bus is always draining and takes half the fun out of any visit that comes after. I could always take the bus home, at that point I'll be so tired that it almost doesn't matter what I do, I'll be completely drained, so might as well sit in some bus and be a vegetable.

It's a quarter to eight here and I'm going to follow form and go to bed at nine tonight, I am so tired. So, now I just need to pass an hour and I can go to bed. Wait for the morning.

Tomorrow is another day.

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friday.

Fri, 15 Sep 2023 08:56:13 GMT

Started out the day with some laundry, it's hanging out to dry now and I'm trying to think of what to do until K. gets home and we're supposed to clean the apartment for the weekend. Probably pack a bag, though I'm not bringing much except medicine, a book and a change of trousers for travelling home. I'll be wearing my evening wear all Saturday.

Before going to the hotel to check in tomorrow, we're visiting the Glyptoteque which is my favourite museum in the whole universe. I can't wait to go there again. I used to visit regularly back when I spent more time in Copenhagen. I loved it. I haven't been there in years.

I wanna bring a La Sylphide book (I have a stack, somewhat of a collector/hoarder, here) for the train trip, but I can't pick which one to take. The one I'd like to bring the most is too big and clunky to carry easily, so the choice is down to just the libretto for the ballet which is very tiny and light-weight or the slightly heavier, but same-size English-language La Sylphide introduction with three different historical analyses of the ballet, one by a Danish scholar who's very revered in ballet circles in Denmark. I've never read that one back to back, so might take that and give it a go.

Last night, when I was up due to nerves around one o'clock, I decided to take all that La Sylphide noise out of my head and put it on paper, so I made a document with my general idea for the Madge/Effy story I'm so obsessed with right now. It actually helped, and I was able to go back to bed and get more sleep, so although I've slept in intervals last night, I still feel pretty rested, because I slept between half past two until half past seven, which is a long stretch by my standards. Usually I need the bathroom at least once in that time.

I think both K. and I slept really well last night, but we were also completely knackered around half past nine when we went to bed, hahaha.

I'm not 100 percent sure what I'm going to wear tomorrow, though. I have a midnight blue/white patterned dress that is really elegant that I might go for - but we just washed the black dress that I also really love, though that one is thinner (summer dress) and I'll need to wear something underneath, though I have something that fits, so... I really love the black dress, it's super comfortable and for such a trip, I might prioritize comfort over style (the black dress is pretty, don't get me wrong, just not as fancy-pansy as the midnight blue). I dunno... I guess I'll try both sets on tonight before bed and decide there.

Under any circumstances, something I need to get done this afternoon before K. gets home is a proper hairwash so I won't have to deal with that in the morning tomorrow and my hair has time to dry, too.

I'm considering contacting smallfandombang mod and ask to have La Sylphide verified as an acceptable fandom (it has, like, 3 fics on AO3 - 1 is a poem by me), so I could consider leaving the Napoli fic on the sideline for a while and write this Effy/Madge thing, and if it gets long enough to pass the 10K word count, I'll make that my contribution rather than the Napoli one that I'll finish some other time, possibly for bethefirst, next time that comes around.

Hmm. It could be a plan.

Anyway, the general idea for the Effy/Madge fic is inspired by the prompt, Ghosts and Hauntings, on my ladiesbingo card!

( Some details under here, mention of some sexual themes... )

I think that's what I've got for now. I should go for a walk while the weather is good, still.

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friday.

Fri, 08 Sep 2023 17:41:38 GMT

We did all the things.

I got that scene written, very instrospective and not moving around much else but the narrator herself, but that did indeed move her a good couple of steps closer to the shipping aspect of the fic, so it was a very necessary scene, albeit slow and philosophical. Tonight, I hope to at least get started on this next scene which is more of a dialogue scene between the foster mother character and the narrator. They'll be readying their hair salon in the morning, so I needed to figure out what a hair salor looked like in the 60's. A bit of a miracle that I haven't looked this up yet, but under any circumstances - found this!

Which was pretty much exactly what I'd had in mind, so hooray for my period appropriate brain, I guess.

If I can finish the scene, that would be ideal, but since we managed to get the cleaning over with, we have all weekend off from duties besides cooking, so I should have plenty of time to write tomorrow and Sunday. Though, tomorrow we're going downtown for a few things, so I might be tired in the aftermath. Anyway, there is time and what I don't write tonight, I can write some other day. Not like I have a job to put all my spoons into.

Although it might sound like something I'm pacing myself through, I'm really enjoying writing this fic and I look forward to being done with it for the simple reason of wanting to see what it might end up looking like in its entirety. Very excited about that, actually. It's just the trip there that's a bit of work.

I bought a huge bouquet of flowers for K. today. During the pandemic, I made it a tradition that Friday afternoon, while she was working from home, I brought her flowers. It was part of my attempt to get out the door and face the world, that one time during the week when I had to. After the pandemic, the tradition died out somewhat, but today - while she cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen - I walked down to the florist and found the best bouquet money could buy and took it home. She loved it and it fits into our living room so well. We'll try to make it last for as long as possible.

For dinner tonight, I bought ready-made "boller i karry" which is a kind of meatball dish in curry sauce with rice for side. It's very simple and very delicious and I bought it in a jar, so it just had to be heated and the rice made. Very easy, but since our energy had been spent on cleaning, I think it was a good call, overall. It tasted yummy, too.

Now we've gathered around the table in the living room, right next to the flowers. I'm sitting here with my laptop and she's sitting with her jewellery-making... stuff. Lots of pearls and metal string. She makes wonderful earrings, K. does. She's making me a pair right now... Must make sure she takes a picture of the finished result, once they're done.

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friday.

Fri, 08 Sep 2023 04:49:24 GMT

It's very early Friday morning. Five minutes to six, currently. I expect it's easier (and better for me) to get up this early when I went to bed at nine last night and have had an almost undisturbed stretch of sleep since then than on the days when I go to bed at midnight and get up at various points through the night, too. I was always an A type person when it comes to sleep patterns and this probably fits the natural rhythm of my body much, much better than the other model I've been living by for years. Bed late, up early. I'm stupidly amazed at how much of a difference it makes that I go back to bed when I've been using the bathroom throughout the night, rather than sitting down at the computer or something. This sounds like simple brain logic, I know, but for me - it's like the discovery of a new physics principle. I just feel so much more rested.

Although, I also have to get used to how long it takes for me to properly wake up. Before, it felt like I was in some kind of chronic wakefulness, so waking up as a process was no problem?

I have absolutely no plans today, which I think is a good thing, because I was through the wringer at therapy last night. Some very important discoveries, but also hard and draining ones, so. I feel like I deserve a day off, tbh. And I guess, no plans is also an exaggeration. I have writing plans and when K. gets home from work, we'll be cleaning the apartment, but besides those things. Just me, tea and doing whatever the fuck I feel like.

Re: writing plans. I need to reread the latest scene I wrote and edit it, decide whether I'm satisfied with it as it is or I need to give it a different ending. This ending is kinda... abrupt and I'm not sure how I feel about that, but it's also meant to show a change that's becoming evident in the narrator, so. I dunno. We'll see, I guess.

FRIDAY PLANS:
- Breakfast and medication at some point before 10 am
- Hopefully shower?
- Reread Chapter 3, Scene 1 + edits, some considerations
- Write Chapter 3, Scene 2 (expecting that to be a short one) + maybe Scene 3, at least some of it
- Tea, lots of it
- Lunch around noon-1 pm-ish
- Begin tidying up apartment to prepare for cleaning
- Cleaning the apartment around 4 pm
- Dinner at some point between 6 - 7 pm
- Medication around 8 pm
- Bed 10 pm-ish

I guess that's a day.

We watched Ahsoka last night and OMG. OMG. No spoilers, but had I not been told beforehand by K. (personally, I don't mind spoilers), I would not have expected that. Argh. Soooo good. I love the entire premise of this show, though, it's pretty simple, structure-wise, very reminiscent of Clone Wars, which makes sense, of course, probably of Rebels, too, but I never watched much Rebels, so can't say. But I love this whole row of strong female leads, I love Ahsoka with Sabine and I am not going to be shy about saying I totally ship it. They both have peak lesbian energy, especially together, I can't. Also loving Hera, she is the only thing I remember clearly from what little Rebels I watched and this is a very good live action rebirth of the character.

Apparently episode 5 is gonna be released in select theatres in the US. I wonder how long it's gonna be, even the first two episodes weren't more than 40 minutes each, so I think that might be a stretch, but if it's gonna be the peak of the show, maybe I can understand that.

No spoilers. Just watch it. It's good shit.

Now I've almost spent an hour on this entry and I don't know how to finish it off. I'm listening to Quadro Nuevo, Roma Nun Fa la Stupida Stasera and life feels pretty good right now.

How's that?

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friday.

Fri, 01 Sep 2023 19:04:59 GMT

We deep-cleaned the apartment after K. got home from work. Then, I made ribeye steaks pan-fried in garlic-infused butter and with oven-baked potatoes as a side, plus some fried tomatoes and mushrooms as a topping. It was super delicious and we sat at the table for literal hours, just chatting, about writing, about fandom, about her work... I wish more days could be like this, but that "everyday feel" seeps into it a lot, because work drains her and day to day is hard for me, too. So it's mostly on the weekends we've got time and energy for these types of deep-immersive conversations. I enjoy it so much. I really love her a lot and it's not like it surprises me, but it resurfaces like a pleasant reminder every now and again.

Author sign-ups went up for smallfandombang and I've signed up for possibly two fandoms. Napoli, I'm definitely going to write about, but if I have spoons and a little courage, I might sign up for a second fic, too. Maybe write that Lady of the Camellias thing I had in mind, with Nanina and Marguerite... We'll see. I might also just stick to the Napoli one, everything indicates it'll be novel length, so.

I really wanna get started on the second chapter tonight, but at the same time I'm (understandably) very tired and should probably do something a bit gentler for myself. Watch something. So many versions of Lady of the Camellias are available on YouTube, it's just a matter of picking and choosing. I could also rewatch Napoli... Choices, choices. This is where being tired never helped me, I was never very good a choosing what I wanted. My ideas change too much, too often. Even I can't quite follow suit.

Most likely, I'll end up editing something in the previous scenes of the fic, maybe start writing more on the Napoli welcome note for my future artist. Actually, that would be a good, relaxing idea. I might do that.

I have a wonderful cup of chamomile tea and some relaxing, lo-fi tunes in my ear. Life is starting out just right for September.

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friday.

Fri, 01 Sep 2023 10:06:08 GMT

Woke up at five today and had the final scene of my first chapter so clearly envisoned in my head, I had to get out of bed and just get it written. Which means I now have 2/7th of this fic done, with the prologue written and finally, the first chapter, ready to move on to the second.

We're at almost 10.000 words at this point.

I think I said yesterday, in evident tiredness, that the next part was called "Bargaining", well, it's not!! Hahaha, the next part is "Anger". It begins with Gennaro's vigil at the marina, a scene I'm really looking forward to writing - though, it'll be another of those scenes with a bunch of people gathered in the same place, so I have to strike the right balance between observation and internal monologue and focus on the main players. I find some comfort in how easily it went with the last scene of that kind, without me struggling too much, so I just need to write it on a day when I've got enough energy for it. Evidently not today. I'll save it for tomorrow when K. and I are going downtown. Maybe, if I have time today, I'll watch the beginning of act 3 of the ballet to get the right feel for the set-up. It's a scene where the people of Naples hold a vigil for Teresina whom they think has been lost at sea. So, similar.

Today I still have my set of chores and besides that, I'll try getting more of that Napoli plot synopsis translated for my artist welcome note which is honestly becoming more a letter than a note. I sincerely hope my artist likes to read... >_>

Also, at some point - probably my night - an author sign-up post should go up for smallfandombang and I'm so mightily excited about that, I can't even. Can't, can't, can't. Very much looking forward.

In the meantime, I may have gotten a second idea for a small fandom fic I wanna write. Which takes us back to my favourite fandom of all time, The Lady of the Camellias. I watched the beginning of the Bolshoi version of the ballet yesterday and never have a seen a Nanina who was as in lesbians with her mistress than that Nanina. She was also quite young for the role which is normally danced by a character dancer (40+) and it just gave me a massive plot bunny for a story where Nanina, after Marguerite's death and having handed over her diary to Armand, travels back to the village she hears her sister was from to try and find this sister and make her tell her about Marguerite as she was before Paris, because she wants to know the whole person, now that she has nothing of her left, except her memory. It could be an interesting story.

I don't know why I write about death that much these days, though??? Apparently that's just a thing that happens for me right now. Something to consider?

Or something to enjoy. It's such a bittersweet topic and always, always relevant.

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friday.

Fri, 25 Aug 2023 20:30:35 GMT

I have just rewatched the first act of Yukigumi's 2006 production of Versailles no Bara - Oscar hen where my beloved Maikaze Rira plays my all-time favourite character in that franchise, Rosalie. And, can I just say, they went all-in for the lesbian interpretation in this production, OMG. One-sided Rosalie/Oscar is a thing. Like, there is a whole dance number just of Rosalie pining for Oscar. IN PASTELS.

Anyway, as I was watching it, first it dawned on me that this production was staged the same year that the Marie Antoinette film with Kirsten Dunst hit theatres and they have pretty much the same aesthetic, too.

Something that leads me to the plot bunny I had never seen coming but which hit me hard. What if Rosalie from the musical refused to marry Bernard and instead insisted that she be sent to another household, so she wouldn't have to have her heart broken every day, looking at Oscar from afar? And, Oscar being the good, kind person she is, recommended her for a position at Versailles? She gets accepted, begins dressing Antoinette and boom, cross-over ship magic happens and they fall in love...

Best thing is, I could go two ways with this. Either I could follow musical canon and have Rosalie be with Marie Antoinette before the guillotine, so they're kinda together in death. Or I could go full out unhistorical AU and have Antoinette actually learn something from Rosalie who is a commoner, but has been brought up to know noble conduct and speech and furthermore, shares Oscar's views on the current problems of France. That way, maybe we could avoid the guillotine altogether.

There're really a lot of possibilities with this pairing and I'm loving them all.

But just -- the aesthetic. It's like Sofia Coppola saw Takarazuka and pointed at it, saying: I want that, but with Kirsten Dunst.

I'll need to do some more dual canon-reviewing over the weekend. Luckily, we're seeing Marie Antoinette tomorrow. Sunday, I could probably watch the second act again. When I pulled out my DVD here tonight, I hadn't seen that show in more than four-five years.

It was the first Yukigumi show I bought, a decade ago. It's still my guilty pleasure and I love Maachan in it, she's honestly the best thing about it. I'll fight you about that.

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friday.

Fri, 25 Aug 2023 15:39:22 GMT

I spent the morning watching a ballet commentary by "Ballet Reign" on the Napoli tarantella which they love just as much as I do and it was so interesting seeing it from a dancer's perspective, what makes it difficult and enjoyable and exciting to dance. All these things I know nothing about, because I've never danced myself, but I can definitely see it when I've watched it on stage.

The version from the 2009 production of Napoli for the Royal Danish Ballet, under artistic director Nikolaj Hübbe. It's my personal favourite, although I'll always be really irritated that the audio isn't in sync in this upload. It's okay on my DVD and the streaming version on the Royal Theatre's website, so it's no doubt something that's happened with this video specifically. Still, it gives a great feeling of the pure energy of this performance. Also features the whole pas de six at the beginning. The tarantella doesn't begin until 20:23 or thereabout.

I understand why they love it at "Ballet Reign", because I love it soooo much. This particular bit of Napoli is always brought along on their summer ballet tours around Denmark and it finishes the performance off on such a high note and in high spirits.

Then, after my social worker was here (where we discussed the possibility of her only coming ever other week which might be really good for me but I got a week to think about it), I sat down and... just like yesterday when suddenly the words were just flowing freely, I wrote the beginning of the first chapter of the Napoli fic I started on yesterday and it all just came so effortlessly, I almost wanted to cry. Haven't written in this kind of flow since working on my Omina fic back in spring and it makes me really feel like I've overcome my slump and the writerdrop I've had after finishing that mastodont in May.

Giovanina (the tarantella girl in the red skirt) is such an interesting voice for me to write, especially in first person, so I'm both meeting some challenges here and setting myself completely free. I really love it! It's like voice work just in writing, the perfect format to work on a character's voice. Also, all the hair metaphors!! I've never written a hairdresser before and the hair fashion changed so dramatically from the 50's to the 60's, so it's definitely an interesting time period and timeframe to work within. Also, much later than my usual period pieces that usually take place late 19th century/early 20th century.

Lots of research to do.

I kinda want a Giovanina icon for this, but I don't have any good stage images of her and I don't know how to screencap the ballet, so for now I'll have to live without. Sigh. If I were still apt in making icons, I'd never know when to stop. So much good content to capture.

I have the whole conversation written down that Giovanina is going to have with her pseudo-mother/mentor/boss in the first scene of the first chapter and I'm really hyped for writing it into the actual scene, but I can only concentrate so long at a time, so I need to pace myself and trust that I can return to it later. Omina taught me as much, that I can stick to something for a long time and keep going, but it's been a while since I worked on that particular project, so the brain forgets, haha.

The heart wants, but the brain forgets.

I have to trust myself with this.

But I was never good at trusting myself in the first place, even less with writing.

I hope you all will have a good Friday and a nice weekend. I'm visiting my parents tomorrow, so I might not update there, because I'm too tired. Luckily, we'll just be relaxing in the evening and finally, I get to watch Marie Antoinette with my gf! Let's see if that gets my Marie Antoinette plot bunny rolling...

Until then.

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friday.

Fri, 18 Aug 2023 05:27:01 GMT

I think I figured out my angle on the Irene Holm project. I'm not going to tell it from Irene's PoV, although I'm dying to one day look inside her head - some other project, maybe - but from the pastor's daughter's, instead, who I have headcanonically dubbed, Ruth Overgaard (she isn't mentioned by name in canon). I ship the two of them greatly.

Honestly, it was a question of picking between one thematically exciting character (ballet themed Irene Holm) or another (Christianity themed Ruth) - and Ruth won out. Besides, I think there's more drive in Ruth. Irene just passes between towns, repeating her dance classes over and over, I want to write something a little less impressionistic than that. Something with more plot. Which is saying something for how little plot there is in Irene Holm as a short story, because when even I - who remain plot allergic, ngl - am trying to find a way to introduce plot into the set-up, it's pretty fucking plot-less there to begin with, haha.

I have the general outline of the story figured out. Ruth overhears a visitor to the rectory say that Irene Holm has started classes in a nearby market town and that, unrelated, said market town's pastor is temporarily looking for a housekeeper, since his wife just died and he has two small children. Ruth suggests to her father that he could send her to help out his colleague and he reminds her that she will be marrying soon (she's engaged to the curate). They share a moment, because the pastor knows his daughter was completely smitten with Irene when she was here and can figure out why she might want to go to that market town, besides charity. However, he allows her to go, if the other pastor wants the help, if nothing else giving her three months' worth of freedom before having to marry the curate. The market town's pastor happily accepts and off Ruth goes to live over winter in the other rectory, in the other town, where Irene is.

After that, Ruth will be trying to help Irene, who is so caught up in her old life in Copenhagen, to settle in the reality she lives now, somehow support her in a process of growing back into herself. Getting rid of her fears gradually. It's going to be a story about setting ourselves and others free in love.

That's the plot, I guess - and that is as much plot as I can manage. I was never a plotty writer, you didn't hear me say that, I'm just saying, I'm not Herman Bang either.

I was downtown yesterday to see my doctor (which went really well! all my bloodwork checks out, more or less) and afterwards, I bought the prettiest notebook for the Irene Holm project (I like to have a notebook for each project I work on, as you might imagine, I have a lot of fucking notebooks, lol) and sat down at the local library with my computer to relax and have some coffee and just - be out of the house for a while. In the end, I stayed out too long and was completely wiped in the evening, but it was a good time. I got both some note-taking done, some RP'ing done and just... yeah, relaxed.

There's a book I really want. It's a Danish female theologian's introduction to the female characters of the Bible, introducing traditional and modern interpretations of each biblical woman and her theological context. It's a big one, 500 pages, fully illustrated and just... a really lush piece of publication. It was released last year and I've wanted it since I first saw it, but it's also pretty expensive, so I haven't had the chance of actually purchasing it yet. Maybe I can put it on my X-mas wishlist. If I don't cave in before, haha.

Currently I'm completely obsessed with Carl Nielsen's A Dream About Silent Night, a piano piece working with the melody of "Silent Night" and then just, elaborating on that theme. It's such a gorgeous, serene little piano work and I can't stop listening to it. Very Danish, very simple, but so pretty. We have the word "hygge" in Danish, some of you may know it, it's to describe a state of mind devoid of conflict and things to upset you. This piece of piano music is "hygge".

My Claudine book has furthermore arrived at the bookstore where I will go pick it up next week! Very excited about that.

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friday.

Fri, 11 Aug 2023 18:58:04 GMT

Completely crashed.

I've had a busy and in most ways amazing day, slept in, showered, was a human being. Then, I went downtown and ordered a new book (Colette, 'Claudine at School') and walked to the café where I was meeting my long-time friend (we've known each other since we were babies, pretty much) who was in Aarhus on another visit and wanted to meet up. I was there was early, but drank tea and wrote notes for my new project idea while I waited for her. C. is always such a joy to talk to, very understanding, empathetic and sensible. We had some deep, existential talks today and then, I walked her back to the train station where she was bound for a train back to Funen. I heard myself promise to come visit her in Nyborg where she lives with her boyfriend and was completely astounded to realize that 1) I actually wanted to brave the trip back and forth and 2) I feel like I might actually have the energy to try.

Getting home by bus was a drag, but I managed. We've made dinner, K. and I and I still feel fine, no actual depressive crash yet. I'm getting the feel, I'm sitting this one out and it's such a great feeling, omg. I'm dead-tired, sure, which is probably to be expected, but I have the energy still to write this right now and I want to work more on my new idea.

Maybe too tired, but the desire is there and usually I'm just so wiped from these things that desire isn't even a thing. It's a nice change.

Yesterday, a story idea hit me just out of the blue. It was steampunk which is the fantastical genre that I am most often inspired by, if I have to write fantasy at all. Imagine a Belle Époque-era France-inspired country, called Cefran in this case, where perfection and performance are the two main indications of success and worth in people. So, at school your grades define you. At work, your results and income define you. Does this sound a little too much like reality? Well, that's the point. This story is to expose how wrong this culture and societal expectation is. My MC and narrator will be a mouthpiece for the philosophy, 'through hardships to the stars', headmistress Ecrira LaDal, but will get proven wrong and put in her place by the other MC, Mirie, a student at her school. Basically, the whole story is going to be a war between school leadership and the girls attending who try to rebel against the rigid belief system in place there.

I think it could be pretty cool. There will probably be some femslash under/overtones and a twisted love story arc that's some kind of spin on enemies to lovers ~~back to enemies~~.

Most importantly, though, I think I will try to write this one in Danish, see if I can make that work. I just need to get off the result-focused platforms like AO3's kudos system or even the comment count here on DW. Write 100% for myself for once.

Maybe it's what I need to get started with some words again. I've been pretty quiet, creatively, since finishing the Omina-fic. I miss it. I miss writing on something cohesive.

This project is different enough from my usual style that maybe I can actually stick to it.

Pray for me.

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friday.

Fri, 02 Jun 2023 07:00:28 GMT

Rereading Sappho, I honestly think she should have ditched all those human girls she was always lusting after and just gone straight for Aphrodite. They'd have made a happy match, I think.

Well, as happy as any human love interest of the Greek gods ever is, supposedly. Still.

This post brought to you by: AKA now I ship it.

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friday.

Fri, 26 May 2023 15:31:48 GMT

Yesterday was awful. Today has been pure recuperation with a side of awful, but I just got the most amazing comment on my fic, Humility, and that has lifted my spirits a little.

It's from the author of the only other Manon/Marguerite fic that's available on AO3. The fic that has inspired my own fic for the sole reason that I can't read it, since it's in... Russian, I think.

Well, they praised the work I've done with this fic and they really, really liked it, summing up exactly every little detail and aspect that I had hoped would come across to the reader. I was so ecstatic. Probably rambled on a little too much in my reply, but I was just so incredibly happy that this exact person found this fic, because they inspired it. Without their Manon/Marguerite piece, my fic would never have been written.

And now I feel inclined to write more Manon/Marguerite fic. I just need to rewatch a version of the ballet, and heavens, does that require spoons right now. Spoons I don't have. So it'll have to wait.

But this literally made my day. That was all.

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friday.

Fri, 05 May 2023 20:13:09 GMT

I feel like it's Saturday today, which evidently it is not. It's just because it's a bank holiday in Denmark and thus, "the first day of the weekend". Meaning, in my head, Saturday.

It's been a really nice day, too. K. and I have relaxed until late in the afternoon when we did a quick sweep of the apartment, cleaning it out, bought Chinese for dinner and have now been writing all evening. Well, I've been mostly RP'ing, but K. has been writing and I have also managed a few poems for the Omina project. It's going places. I'm currently on 49.500 words, so very close to a real NaNoWiMo-length project and there's still a month and a half worth of poems to go, so we'll no doubt go past that, too.

I reached a central peak of the story today. I won't go into too much detail, but it was extremely emotional to write and the after-effects of it will shape the final part of the story to en almost unrecognisable degree. This both excited me and saddens me. But it had to be done and it was beautiful. Sad, but beautiful.

I was really nervous, picking this story back up, that I wouldn't be able to get back into the feeling and atmosphere and language of it, but at least the feeling and atmosphere have come to me pretty easily. Still uncertain of the language, but I looked up a random place in February earlier today and read it over, and the language still strikes me as recognisably the same vibe, so. That's good, I guess.

I don't know how authors writing books of 1000s of pages manage to keep their language consistent. It's definitely a struggle for me, it feels.

If I continue at this pace, with a couple of poems every day, I'll be done before the beginning of June. This makes me very happy. Hopefully, it means I'll be able to post it over the summer months and be ready for new, exciting writing adventures on the other side of summer vacation!

K. and I have talked about going on a vacation/writing retreat to Copenhagen during summer holidays this year. She has five weeks of vacation in June + July and it just seems like a good idea to take some time off to get away, enjoy what we enjoy doing most with each other and revisit and reacquaint ourselves with our favourite places in Copenhagen at the same time. We haven't booked anything yet and it might not be easy to get anything this late in the year, but I remain hopeful. I really want it to happen!

We'll see. If nothing else, we'll definitely be going to Copenhagen in September to watch La Sylphide when it returns to the stage with the Royal Danish Ballet.

Win/win either way, I guess.

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friday.

Fri, 31 Mar 2023 19:56:10 GMT

Tired. To the bones.

But the day ended on a good note, so to speak. The concert was really good. The Prokofiev really reminded me exactly how much percussion there's represented in Romeo and Juliet, but some of the parts were chilling (Dance of the Knights and Tybalt's Death especially) and I think it was excellent.

However, not as good as P. Vasks' Musica Serena which initiated the concert and it was amazing. The vibe was otherwordly and the resonance of the violins felt like it tapped directly into my nervous system.

I also got my birthday gift from the friend whose birthday gift it was that we went to the concert in the first place. She gave me an anthology of queer literature from South Asia (she's taking a course in Indian literature at uni) and I can't wait to dig into it!

While I was downtown, I bought an "Easter egg" for my gf (surprise, it was actually a bag) and she was really happy with it, so all in all, my afternoon and evening have been wonderful.

But even wonderful things drain me and I'm also just worn thin now. I will need tomorrow to recuperate.

Before I go to bed, though, please have this amazing piece of music and share your opinion with me, when/if you give it a listen! It's definitely up there with Arvo Pärt in profundness.

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friday.

Fri, 24 Mar 2023 21:14:40 GMT

Today has been kind of chaotic and kind of fulfilling in a lot of ways.

First off, I'm taking a short break (thinking until Monday) break from my main project, because it was getting too overwhelming and I was having performance anxiety and other shit like that getting in the way of me just enjoying being creative, so I picked up a rather harmless side project that I'll be working on over the weekend, hopefully to finish a nice one-shot fic before Sunday evening, but we'll see.

Today, the online writing group I'm in hosts a "24 Hours of Writing", running from 4 o'clock in the morning between Thursday and Friday local time to 4 o'clock in the morning between Friday and Saturday, so I've been on and off writing since six in the morning ~~which isn't much different from my usual deal, let's be honest, but doing that many sprints gets tiring as fuck~~.

I got started on my side project. This is a universe and characters I've had in my mind for about a decade in some form or another, so they're very well known to me and a big comfort kinda thing. Especially the MC is like a writing blanket, I know her so well, her way of talking, her mannerisms, everything. So I got started on a one-shot today which I think will be fragments/paragraphs from my MC's personal manifest against her brother who has had legal custody of her ever since her parents died.

It's period fic. I love writing historical shit. I've done a lot of research into 19th century, various aspects, though especially women's and queer history. This fic takes place in the period between 1900 and 1910, so a bit later (though, still Belle Époque), but I'm having a lot of fun researching that as well. The story is inspired partly by A Woman Appeared to Me by Renée Vivien, so I have a lot of cues from that - and of course earlier literary works, like The Lady of the Camellias and The Flowers of Evil, even if both of the latter were written by men... I'm thinking of buying The Woman of the Wolf and Other Stories, a collection of short stories also by Vivien that sound really interesting. I'm going downtown on Sunday, I might put in an order with my local bookstore. I prefer that to ordering online, although the latter is cheaper.

Anyway, point is. I'm having fun with this little break. It's making me rediscover the joy of just writing for the heck of it.

K. and I both cleaned and made more extensive dinner today, so we're also both pretty wiped now. While cooking, we looked at each other for a moment and agreed that the past weeks have been way, way too hectic and we haven't had time to each other properly. So tomorrow we're going to a local rainforest zoo to get out together a little and picking up lunch afterwards. I'm really looking forward to it, to be honest. I've been able to feel she was stressed out, and she's probably been able to feel the same from me, so this is our way of getting back together in the waves and midst of the storm.

Last, but certainly not least, I found this song today and it's not just the perfect jam for Germaine, my MC, but also just my kind of music. It's so good. Both video and music!

Now, I'll go to bed. Goodnight people!

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friday.

Fri, 10 Mar 2023 16:55:33 GMT

Probably the last one for today, since my in-laws are coming in half an hour, but I just wanted to really thank my friends list for being so communicative and interested and leaving comments and all those things that make my journal a living, breathing space. It really means a lot to me! I know I'm in a period right now where I post a lot and you're honestly not expected to care about even half of the crap I put up here, but that you do care regardless and let me know means the world, thank you.

I guess I wanted to make an entry just for this, so - if anyone has any questions for me or comments or anything they want to say, I'm screening comments for this post and you can do it freely. I welcome all thoughts and input.

What is my journal like to follow? What do you want to see more of, less of, that kind of thing? Anything I do that hits the mark, anything I do that doesn't?

I'm open to anything, though I can't guarantee that I'll comply. Thank you.

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friday.

Fri, 10 Mar 2023 11:32:02 GMT

Noon update.

My list is mostly strike-throughs at this point. I've showered, got dressed, tidied and done the shopping (beverages), so we should be covered in that regard. Still need to empty and refill the dishwasher and tidy up the kitchen, but it shouldn't take me long, honestly.

Right now, I'm waiting on a cup of chamomile tea to infuse. I've done two sprints in the Discord writing group I'm in which actually helped me finish my outline and keywording of the entire month of May! Very impressed with myself, tbh.

Aaaah, chamomile tea.

I have an hour or so before I really need to get started and get ready, but I don't really feel like that's enough time to sit down and write in, I'll just rush it and it won't be a nice experience. So instead, I'm gonna hang out online for a while, just majorly relax and be ready for the big hurdle tonight, when we get to that.

How is everyone doing this Friday? Share the latest song you listened to?

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friday.

Fri, 10 Mar 2023 04:33:22 GMT

SONGS FROM AN ANCIENT WORLD. — VICTORY (TWO STEPS FROM HELL); MY LOVE (FLORENCE + THE MACHINE); PERSEUS (UNKNOWN BRAIN); SOLDIER (FLEURIE); WARRIORS (2WEI FT. EDDA HAYES); START A WAR (KLERGY FT. VALERIE BROUSSARD); MIDAS (SKOTT); ARCHES (AGNES OBEL); ACHILLES COME DOWN (ANNA); POMPEII (BASTILLE); EVERGREEN (TWO STEPS FROM HELL).

At this point, I've amassed a really good collection of songs for my Omina project. I basically rely on music to be able to write. Projects (or characters) that I can't find the right music for, I quite simply can't write at all, that's how a third of all the plot bunnies I get end up in the idea bin. I'm not entirely sure why it's like that, music is just such a focus point for me. Like an outlet on its own.

Above are the songs I'm listening to while writing this mastodont of a fic in no real particular order, a mix of softer/slower tunes and more bam stuff (yes, that's the best description I could come up with at 5.15 am), most of them you've probably heard before, but some of them I only found myself due to their presence on several Greek myth playlists I've been listening to for different projects and some RP.

Today and tomorrow are gonna be pretty hectic for me. My in-laws are coming by tonight for dinner (take-away from a really nice local place) and that means having to clean the apartment, as well as myself and other stuff I haven't really had spoons for since Monday. I'll probably be doing some tidying up throughout the day, so K. can just get straight home from work at 3/4 pm-ish and we can get the cleaning done really quickly. Her parents are supposed to get here at 6.30 pm. It's part of an X-mas present we gave them that hasn't really been able to fly until now, so it'll be nice getting it done, but I don't actually feel much in the mood for it. I'd rather just have had a relaxing night at home, writing and RPing.

Especially because tomorrow evening, K. and her mom and me are gonna attend a concert downtown, a piano recital. It's the finale of a big, international piano competition that's been running all week (K. saw some of the initial concerts Monday and Tuesday and was very impressed) and it should no doubt be really good, but guys, I just don't have spoons for being in a public place with lots of people, having to dress up and what not. I am not in that gear right now. Sigh. But I want to share it with K. and I want her to have a nice evening, so I guess I'll just have to suck it up, unless I'm feeling actually unwell tomorrow.

In half an hour from now, I'll probably grab an early shower before K. gets up and get my day started properly, so I might have time for some writing before noon.

And then, just look forward to Sunday where I can relax and write all I want. Next week, until Friday at least, should also be manageable in general. But seeing that I'll be meeting with my parents next Friday, it's also incredibly necessary.

I wish these things didn't drain me so much. I want to have a full life alongside these appointments and meetings and events. Though, I guess, in some ways these appointments and meetings and events comprise life, huh?

Well, life's cracking down on me right now.

For sure.

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friday.

Fri, 03 Mar 2023 13:03:01 GMT

Home after a busy morning in town. Got to the library early and had breakfast, then wrote for a couple of hours. It was a rough start, but the flow I found by the end was really good and it seems to be holding out now as well, throughout the afternoon. Sprints in the two writing groups I'm in help a lot.

GF and I have agreed to tag tonight, so I need to write the final couple of poems for today before she gets home between 3-4 pm, after which we'll clean. I'm just drinking tea right now, having done some practical stuff re: upcoming birthday, but in a moment, I'll pick my Word document back up.

My March month is unusually tightly packed with plans and I really need to rein myself in now, because I can already tell it'll probably be too much, but it's just one of those months where... it's inevitable. My mom's birthday in late February, my dad's in start April and mine in between? Lots of stuff to do.

Lots of stuff I'd rather not.

Ah, well.

I've found the first betareader for my Omina project which will, I've done the math, probably end around the 50.000-60.000 words in length. She'll mostly be looking at flow, characterization and give me feedback on reader experience, but I'm excited. It makes it easier for me to imagine I can actually finish this thing. I'm thinking I'll still need another beta as well, to look at language and help me unknot the knots I know I make of English when writing this way. But I don't have much time, the deadline's still April 22nd and who the fuck knows when I'll be done with the actual fic???? Haha, I don't even want to think about it.

I am so lucky to have so many patient people around me. Your support means a lot!

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