friday.

[sunfright]

A WOMAN APPEARED TO ME by Renee Vivien

The Charmer of Serpents, to whom the serpents taught their shadow-born wisdom, spoke thus to the ephebe: "Happiness is as vast as despair. Your happiness should be as terrifying as despair. The only true happiness is that of the hermit or the solitary. Happiness must, like despair, be indifferent to all creatures and their words and their thoughts. I have only one example to offer - the example of the Woman with the cloak of ermine. When her ermine mantle came unfastened and fell into wretched mud, passers-by picked it up and offered it to her; but with an arrogant gesture she turned aside and went her way, her shoulders bare to the wind and rain. Guard against moderation as others guard against excess. For Prudence is the only dangerous enemy of heroes and happiness. Never give advice, even any of this I am giving you. Every being should live his private life and win, hardly, the experience which will signify nothing. The only sorrow without a glimmer of light is that of those who suffer from being unable to suffer. Friendship is more dangerous than love, since its roots are stronger and go deeper than the roots of love. The anguish of friendship is more bitter than the anguish of love. Certain souls love friendship as others love love; they suffer through friendship as others through love. They have in their lives only one friendship as others have but a single love. It is when they lose friendship that they despair hopelessly. And it is when they despair thus that they find happiness. For happiness is like the magnificence of ruins(...)

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My aesthetic. These are photos I took at my childhood museum a couple of years ago, when I went with my dad. Since then, things have gone downhill between us and this is one of the actually good memories I have of us still. The green-hue one is from an exhibit that's been in place since I was a kid called Wonder Chamber where they have collected all sorts of natural (and unnatural looking) objects that could cause wonder. It's like an extended biology lesson, pretty much - just slightly more macabre. I love the light in there and the atmosphere and it's one of those places that brings me right back to my childhood in a good way, so I treasure it. Maybe I should go again soon.

The red-hue one is a new one they've made with plaster casts by one of the local sculpturs and I just loved the arrangement of all these human figures together, it was a bit like seeing a remake of life in full proportion.

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MY NOCTURNAL SERENADE - YOHIO

I discovered this song very simply by looking up "vampire playlist" on YouTube and one of the playlists I found had this as the first track. Got obsessed and have now developed a love-hate relationship to it. It's honestly addictive and I love the aesthetic of the music video (can someone say Takarazuka, much??), but it's also just not... all that good, but I love it, but I think it's awful? I feel so conflicted about it, tbh, but until I can decide not to, I'm just listening to the 1 hour track I found of it, so I don't have to go press replay again and again and again (and again and again).

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WHAT'S GOING ON IN RL
As predicted, I was very tired today. Definitely maxed out my energy credit yesterday and I knew that, it was a conscious decision and worth it, but I also had to pay for it today.

So I've slept a lot, worked on the third chapter of the Elio/Lucifer fic, worked on an original idea that's been sitting in my head for years and finally got the angle I needed to work with it properly - may or may not have been inspired by the song linked above. I never write vampire fic, I'm totally not into vampire lore, but I am still so gonna write vampire ballerina femslash original fic. Going for a slightly different approach to vampirism though, not Twilight and not Buffy. As far as I can tell from Wikipedia, I'm more along the lanes of original Carmilla. That was sapphic, too, right? Seems fitting.

Yesterday I bought some new clothes for cheap in the local supermarket and usually I don't go for supermarket clothes, not because of the cheap factor, but because it rarely fits right, but this hoodie/dress looked so fucking comfortable that I just had to give it a go. And they had leggings in my size for really, really cheap so I thought, well, if they don't fit right, at least they weren't too expensive? And it fits perfectly, the hoodie especially is a God-sent and I've just had this cozy, warm feeling all day, wearing it.

And the weather has been beautifully sunny! All in all, very optimistic, all of it. I feel better than I have in a long time, I don't feel quite so burdened and although there are still Things To Fix, I'm not quite as anxious about getting them done? It's such a new feeling that I don't quite know what to do with it, to be honest. Like, I don't know how to be happy?

Go figure.

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WHAT'S GOING ON IN RP/FANDOM
We actually got a comment on the Elio/Lucifer thing, second chapter? I am in shock. I was sure no one would even read through the prologue. Let's see how it fares when we upload the third chapter over the weekend, I imagine. The fourth chapter is going to be trickier. It takes place over the gap between seasons 3 and 4 of Lucifer's canon and there are some jumps in the timeline that we might have to explain in some way for the rest to really bind together they way it does in our heads, because we know already. Ah, well, we'll fix it.

I made an RP account for my new main character in the vampire ballerina epic I mentioned further up, called Fumiko Abe (Abe Fumiko). I haven't played Japanese characters for literal ages, but as she appeared in my mind, due to the icons I found, she was definitely Japanese. So I'll have to get into that mode again, I suppose - at least she's been living ten years in London, so the surroundings are something I'm more familiar with. She's not so subtly named after Fumi Kaneko, principal at the Royal Ballet, because I love Fumi and wanted to pay tribute in some way. Just look at her! Soooo beautiful! /gushes forever

Still planning on finishing something for genprompt_bingo, but with this vampire universe, I don't quite know where to start, there's so many amazing scenes I could write. Right now I'm just noting everything down in the notebook I bought the other day and I love the feeling of filling out page upon page just with thoughts and ideas. Been a while since I've felt this creative and fulfilled on multiple levels, writing-wise. ♥