sunday.

[sunfright]

#3 by sunfright

my lake is not
my own
it is my mother’s

I return to it
every morning
and stay by it
under the sun

although the sun burns
scorching
my webbed feet
I stay
I stay
rather than to go
look for a lake
that might be

mine
alone

__________










Went on a bit of a Swan Lake aesthetic binge today, looking through my old Tumblr account where I've reblogged so much of what I'd termed "hashtag-swanpunk", aka the Royal Danish Ballet's production of Swan Lake. Among my old posts I found a lot of stuff related to Ida Praetorius, formerly a star dancer with the RDB, though as far as I know she now dances (almost) exclusively for Hamburg Ballet (where John Neumeier of The Lady of the Camellias fame resides as director). I've followed Ida from she was completely new, but always on a star trajectory. My second ever ballet performance, the old version of La Sylphide was a double bill with The Lesson by Flindt which has a tradition of casting very young ballerinas in the role of the student. That year, and we're talking 2011, Ida had been cast and I saw her dance, hearing whispers among the audience of how she was only an apprentice at the time. She was amazing in that role. I still remember her striking type of acting to this day, a decade later.

Ida has succeeded in that type of role ever since. As Lolita. As Juliet in Romeo and Juliet. Girlish, innocent roles. The Sylph. Giselle, 1st act. It's something about her face that lends itself very well to that type of character. However, not being a strong technician, having very little turn-out, for example, I think that Ida never really conquered the Russian or Balanchine repertory which these days make for 80 percent of what the RDB dances. I can understand why she would move to Hamburg where the Neumeier repertory, which has always been where she shone the most, is the norm rather than the exception.

Throughout my ten years as a balletomane and RDB fan, I have seen Ida dance more or less everything. I've seen her define roles like Juliet, breathe new life into the Sylph and act her heart out as Giselle, but she's never really become a favourite of mine. I admire her acting talent, she is no doubt a very strong actress, but ballet is more than mime to me, it's more than expression. Ballet for me is a visceral experience of another person's body talking to my insides and that only happens when the technique is just as strong, sometimes even stronger, than the acting in a dancer's face. It is the way body and music becomes reflections of each other and everything reaches a higher plane. Ida has never been the most musical dancer at the RDB, so she's never given me that specific feeling and that's why I can understand how losing her to another company is a blow, but I don't personally miss her that much.

That was the general talk... Now the Swan Lake specifics.

Being a Russian classic, Swan Lake isn't a natural "Ida role". It's technically extremely demanding and iconic for a lot of people, so mistakes will be noticed even by people who're more casual ballet-attendées. That's why it was probably bad luck that the first time I saw Ida dance Swan Lake was as a substitute for the injured Susanne who was supposed to dance the night I was there (why do you think I was there, otherwise). She danced with my favourite, Sebastian Haynes, and they were two young dancers, new in their roles and the performance really looked it. It was a bit uncertain, a bit wobbly (and granted, they had only had a couple of days to rehearse with each other), though the expression and heartfelt emotion was there from both of them, especially in the first act. Ida isn't the smallest dancer, but not the tallest either and as Odette, she reminded me a lot of a small sparrow, caught in a trap. Not necessarily the completely right association to have during Swan Lake, but there was something charming and different about it and the pas de deux she had with Sebastian was heart-breakingly beautiful. So much emotion.

I shall bypass her Odile in polite silence, but there was something about Ida's Odette that fascinated me. She wasn't my type at all and I wouldn't pick her portrayal out of a line-up, but sitting there and watching it, something in me still took it in and felt it. It reminded me that sometimes the very notion of a performer not being your type can actually help them create interesting and fresh portrayals that might even stay with you longer than those of your favourites. At least that's my experience.

And as you can see out of the gifs and pictures up there... She is very, very expressive.

If I never get to see her on the RDB stage again, it won't leave me heartbroken, but I might have to look for a new dancer in the company to be "not my type", so they can surprise me with the most evocative character interpretations and performances of them all.

__________




Swan Lake - White Swan pas de deux, act 1
Swan Lake - White Swan pas de deux, act 2

These are two videos of Ida's Odette, put on YouTube by a principal at the RDB, Marcin Kupinski who has partnered her frequently. It is not from the year when I saw her as Odette, but maybe one or two years later, meaning she's grown quite a lot in the meantime as a dancer, but I still think these videos show the two facts that I've learned about her, 1) she's expressive af and very vulnerable as Odette and 2) her technique struggles with the grand Russian style.

Still, they are definitely worth a watch. I think, personally.

__________





WHAT'S GOING ON IN RL
Completely worn out after a day of cleaning the apartment and putting up our X-mas tree (IKEA plastic, the same one we put up every year) and decorating it with baubles and various assorted X-mas decorative stuff. It's very pretty and really makes it feel like it's December soon. Which, of course, it is.

I'm hoping to write some more white swan poems tonight, or well - at least one.

The next week is very busy, by my standards. I have my social worker coming by Wednesday, Thursday I'm seeing my therapist and Friday I get a friend over to watch Swan Lake off the RDB's streaming service. I'm really looking forward to that last one, but kind of dreading everything in between. I have that childish urge to just... go asleep and sleep until it's Friday. Skip all adult responsibilities and obligations. God, if life was that easy, right?

I got an Advent present from my girlfriend today. Earrings with freshwater pearls and a small golden seashell pendant. They're so pretty and remind me of my Napoli book. I gave her some DIY decorations for the X-mas tree that we'll be making together during next week and put on the tree. She also read the first story in my X-mas calendar and was super stoked, we've talked about the characters all day. That makes me happy.

I've had anxiety spikes all day. Often completely out of the blue, just zap, anxiety. Often not even in relation to anything tangible, just a general sense of dread and fear and it's really exhausting. I'm looking forward to bed later.