post scriptum.

Middle of the night. I don't know what woke me up tonight, usually it's dreams or K. (who will jostle me because my snoring is keeping her awake), but tonight I just woke up very abruptly with a lot of restless anxiety in my system. I don't know what I'm nervous about, work maybe, except I wasn't nervous about work at all when I went to bed. My parents' visit, could be, but I'm not having any panicky thoughts about it. I'm not having any panicky thoughts at all, actually, my mind is completely blank, but my body is definitely anxious. Nervous energy beneath my skin. Jittery, muscle cramps, quickened breathing. The usual. Just no mental activity in the wake of it. It's just me and my body, it's a strange feeling. Usually I'm pretty shut out from it. This is - straight in the middle of the storm. And it's uncomfortable, sure, but without the anxiety in my head, it's just that. A body doing its thing. Like breathing. Automatic.

I've tried focusing the energy somewhere, so I've been scribbling down ideas I want to write for my genprompt_bingo table. I've finally decided to write for Sputnik Sweetheart as my fandom and once I made that decision, both picking a line and finding ideas for each prompt was pretty easy. This book inspires me so much! So far I've written down scenarios for five prompts and can't wait to get started tomorrow. I'll be writing for identity crisis, careless talk costs lives, wildcard (Lesbos), loss of faith and hindsight is a wonderful thing. I think it might even work better that I only have the Danish translation to work from. There's something about the process of doing Danish to English translations in my head that helps my creativity along.

Also, I get to look a lot at the Danish cover which is pretty much my favourite book cover of all time!



Yesterday I formatted the third chapter of the Lucifer/Elio fanfic we're working on and I think the suggestions we got from a reader might actually help accessibility a bit. With some luck, both chapter 2 + 3 will be up over the weekend. I've also done the initial (planning) stage of chapter four, dividing it into scenes with a start and a finish. So I feel we're making good progress here - combined with having started the other PSL, I feel very full of the Lucifer and Elio love.

The escapisms I crave to not completely crumble under the weight of life.

post scriptum.

I FUCKING DID IT

I wrote a non-CMBYN related fanfic. I did the first prompt on my genprompt_bingo table. This is a huge win. I'm so proud of myself.

I haven't truly written fanfic for, like, a decade. Not fanfic that isn't somehow tied up on my roleplaying. This is the first real-real fanfiction I've written since I stopped writing for Silver Wolf and other Takarazuka-related fandoms. Never really got into writing fanfic for ballets that I actually published anywhere where people would read them. This is the first.

And I think it's pretty good. It captures Murakami's style okay, I think, personally. It explores some ideas that intrigued me during my reread, images, symbolism, all the shit I love when writing.

Oh, and food. Writing characters drinking or eating is my forever Writer's Kink. Don't judge.

Just needed to make this shout-out to myself, because I think I've gotten started on something really good. At least I hope so, I hope there's more where this came from. /prays